Free Not a Happy Camper by Mindy Schneider Page B

food and then use this same truck to pick up the big metal garbage barrels around camp and take them to the dump in the next town.
    Evidently George was a gentleman who wouldn’t dare enter one of the girls’ bunks to use the bathroom, so while he was taking a whiz against a tree, Dana secretly climbed onto the back of the truck and hid behind one of the barrels. Her plan to discreetly hop off at the flagpole was foiled when George didn’t stop there—or anywhere else on Girls’ Side—and Dana soon found herself, cladin red-and-white striped Dr. Denton feet pajamas, speeding down the dirt road and heading for the highway.
    â€œHello! Stop! I’m back here!” Dana yelled, but George couldn’t hear her over Jim Stafford’s
Spiders and Snakes
, blaring from the radio as the truck careened onto US Route 2. Hanging on for dear life, Dana was pelted with spoiled produce, empty Herbal Essence shampoo bottles and pages from discarded issues of
The Weekly Reader
. George finally came to a stop at the Skowhegan Dump. When he hopped out and walked around to the back, he found Dana lying on the floor, filthy and gasping for breath.
    â€œLook at the mess ya made,” was his lone comment. George had other “errands” to attend to (code for shooting at rats in the dump) and ordered Dana off the truck.
    â€œBut I’m not even wearing any shoes,” she complained.
    George pointed into the Skowhegan hole.
    â€œMight find some in there.”
    Forced to walk a mile down the side of the highway, destroying the cozy feet part of her evening wear, Dana found a pay phone at a Flying A gas station. Not having any change with her, she called the camp’s Main Office (one of the dilapidated cottages adjacent to Saul’s grand house) collect.
    â€œSo sorry,” the woman from Yorkshire, England who’d been hoodwinked into working in the office all summer replied. “We mustn’t accept collect calls.”
    Dana’s first three attempts failed. On her fourth try, she said, “This is Dana Bleckman’s mother” and the call went through. Fifteen minutes later, Aaron picked her up in the Valiant and drove her down to The Point.
    Their entrance prompted a Dedication. The Dedication is a means of mass communication across a dining hall, what smoke signals were to the Indians, what semaphore was to the Navy, what the Internet is to nerds. Upon sighting the new couple, everyonespontaneously paddled their hands on the tables, then shouted in unison, “Quiet, please, dedicated to Dana Bleckman,” and then began to sing to the tune of
My Darling Clementine
:
    â€œDana Bleckman, Dana Bleckman
Take some good advice from me.
Don’t let Aaron, Aaron Klafter
Get an inch above your knee.
    He will tell you that he loves you
And he’ll fill your heart with joy.
Then he’ll leave you broken-hearted
With a bouncing baby boy.”
    Dana tried to blush, but I suspect she was pleased to be serenaded. Aaron was embarrassed for real and left (and later, at Maddy’s suggestion, packed up and moved back to Boys’ Side, though he was still welcome to visit on a regular basis).
    Meanwhile, the attention focused on Dana didn’t end there. She was next called upon to sing one of her songs from the play and did a reprise of
My Favorite Things
. Autumn Evening, Borscha Belyavsky and eventually everyone who’d sung the night before got a chance to belt out tunes in front of The Point’s big stone fireplace. This had happened a week earlier with the cast of
The Me Nobody Knows
and before that, girls who’d sung in shows in previous summers were also put on the spot. At Kin-A-Hurra, accomplishments were celebrated over and over again, year after year. Only Betty Gilbert (who’d somehow landed the role of the Baroness) and I were left out.
    Just as things were winding down, Head Counselor Wendy Katz announced that we’d been invited to a