Free The Alexandra Series by Lizbeth Dusseau Page B

though I had a feeling that eventually he would get to those as well, in time.
    On the nights when we were not together, my mind dove into unexplored places in my sexual psyche, dangerous frightening places. Each night alone, I tried to dream of Will and making love, but I couldn’t stop the rush of pictures that appeared out of nowhere in my mind. They assaulted my brain with a vile fervor, not letting me avoid them until I paid attention to the strange visions of straps and whips, of dominance and submission, of brutality and chilling coldness. The images sent my body quivering to new heights as I masturbated, although as soon as my orgasm was complete, I wished it hadn’t begun. Why couldn’t I think about Will and me, about being lovers and passionate sex?
    As much as I tried to will it otherwise, my fantasy life refused to follow my instructions. Instead of happy sexual romance, I witnessed much stranger things. One fantasy in particular appeared with some regularity. I saw myself walking into elegant city mansions and beautiful estate houses where women were ornaments that decorated rooms and corridors with their beauty, where they served at the pleasure of commanding men. The worlds in my imagination were masculine, places where men of great power mixed ruthless passion and severity with the genteel politeness of good breeding. The rules were established by owners and masters; compliance to orders was mandatory. There were no other options in these worlds but to obey or leave. In my visions, I always chose compliance.
    I saw the scene clearly…a female’s initiation into a male dominated world, where taken into a shadowy domain of lust, her naked body is at the mercy of a master’s whim. She’s forced to serve on hands and knees with mouth and lips, her sexual body violated three, four, five times in a night until she’s entirely spent. On the last night of her initiation she wears a collar and cuffs and a suit of chains, and is bound to the rafters where she struggles uselessly. Her freedom comes with a price. She’ll be thoroughly whipped, her body red with welts before there will be any mercy at all. Her pain is fierce, but the pleasure just as potent. Losing control and all conscious thought, she swims in the master’s fire, consumed in sexual ecstasy.
    When I woke from my wild musings, my real body was quivering with completion that surpassed anything I’d yet experienced – except with Will, of course. I was sticky with perspiration and sex, and the smell of my cunt still lingered on my hands when I woke in the morning. I found each night of depravity made the day more difficult to bear, more difficult to create the tender sensuous lovemaking I enjoyed so much with Will. Even our most torrid moments paled in comparison to sex with these kinky masters. The agitation between fantasy and reality reared its ugly head once more.
    My restlessness became difficult to hide, but Will didn’t prod me, respecting my earlier request not to ask about my fantasies. That was until the night I abruptly bolted from bed after sex. That night, my darker fantasies encroached on my real time world, rudely violating our lovemaking. I couldn’t stand it anymore.
    “You’re going to tell me what’s wrong.” Will bolted from bed right after me and whirled me back to face him.
    “I can’t,” I pleaded.
    “Yes you can! And you’d better start talking.” He pushed me down on the bed.
    We stared at each other for some time until I got the feeling that we would stay this way all night if I didn’t say something. He had no intention of budging until I made my confession. I started and stopped a couple times then finally managed to blurt out.
    “It’s my sexual fantasies.”
    He waited for more.
    “I can’t make them stop.”
    His eyes seemed to soften as I spoke.
    “When I’m with you everything is so perfect, it feels so right and it’s everything I need. But when we’re not together, I get so horny thinking