Free ALIEN INVASION by Peter Hallett Page B

Mommy. That’s what’s fucking me.”
    “Okay, baby.” I jumped up, ran back into the kitchen, turned the heating off and got the fan out of the cupboard under the sink.
    When I got back in the living room, he’d ripped his jumper off. It was all misshaped, the wool pulled to snapping point. I plugged the fan in, placed it on the floor, aimed it at him, and turned it onto full power.
    The wind hit him and he scooted his butt closer to the fan. He looked at me and smiled through tears. “Thank you, Mommy.”
    “Does that feel better?”
    “Yes.”
    “You were too hot?”
    “Yes.”
    “It wasn’t the laundry machine?”
    “No.” His eyes were locked on the fan. “I like the fan.”
    “Is it cooling you down?”
    “Yes … I really like spiny things.”
    “I know you do. Would you like your ball of Play-Doh?”
    “Yes.”
    I walked to the fireplace and got the Play-Doh. Once I’d handed it to him, he started to squeeze it and roll it in his palms. I sat on the sofa and let out a long breath. I was drained.
    I’d read every book I could find concerning autism, Asperger’s. I’d started educating myself as soon as the doctors diagnosed him. I had a ton of files, of notes I’d made. I thought I knew all that was needed to know to prevent the meltdowns. But I was only human. I made mistakes. I was the cause of some of the meltdowns; some were just out of my control, no amount of acquisition of knowledge able to stop them.
    As I sat there, watching him watch the fan, I thought about the life he had ahead of him. How difficult school would be for him. The bullying he would be sure to get. I thought about the possibility of him meeting a nice girl one day. I didn’t know if he would, I feared he wouldn’t.
    I was terrified about what would happen to him when I was too old to help, or when I past away, if he hadn’t met anyone to marry, how he’d be able to deal with the struggles he had on his own.
    I was concerned he wouldn’t even mourn me. When his dad died, and I’d explained what had happened, I’d said his dad had gone to sleep, he just said okay and carried on watching TV. Although, if I ever fell asleep, and he was awake, he’d rouse me quickly, concerned I was leaving him too. Maybe he would mourn me; it would be easier for him if he didn’t. Is it selfish I wished he would mourn me, though?
    There was a knock at the door, which thankfully snapped me out of my descent into a void of anxiety. It was a place I fell into all too often. “Freddie, I’m just going to the door, someone’s knocking.”
    “Okay, Mommy.”
    I stood; as I walked past him I ran my hand over his head. He pulled away from it quickly. I swallowed the lump in my throat, wiped the tears from my face, and entered the hall.
    I opened up the front door. It was my neighbor, Janice. I threw my arms around her before she even had a chance to speak, and I sobbed. “Nina, is everything okay? We heard screaming. Is Freddie okay? Was it another meltdown?”
    I couldn't answer. I just held on, concerned my hug was too tight for such an old woman. When I had settled, I pulled away. “Sorry, it’s been a difficult …” I couldn’t get the rest of the words out, I was crying again.
    “It’s okay, dear.” She stepped in and placed her hand on my shoulder. “Is everything okay now?”
    “Yeah, thank you.” I wiped the tears away again.
    “Good … I have an idea. Why don’t you go upstairs, have a bath, or a nap, I’ll look after Freddie for a bit. If I need you, I’ll come and get you.”
    “That would be really helpful, are you sure it’s okay?”
    “Sure.” She smiled, her dentures wobbled as she did.
    “Thank you.” I hugged her again and she patted me on the back as I did.
    I stuck my head through the door, into the living room. “Mommy is just going to go and have a bath, Freddie.”
    He didn’t break his stare from the fan. “Okay, Mommy.”
    “Janice is going to come and sit with you for a little