Free Jacob Two-Two and the Dinosaur by Mordecai Richler Page A

brother has a point, Jacob. You will have to win the money by proving your intelligence. Now then, are you ready for a quiz?”
    “Yes,” Jacob Two-Two said. “Yes, I am!”
    “Good. Now you will have to concentrate, because I can allow you only five seconds on the first impossibly difficult question. Ready?”
    “Ready!”
    “Okay. Here we go. For a big fifty cents tell me how long was the Seven Years War?”
    “Seven years!”
    “Excellent! Brilliant! Now, watch out for the next question because it is about the kings of France. Ready?”
    “Yes.”
    “Good. Here it comes. For another fifty cents tell me what Louis came after Louis the Fourteenth?”
    “Louis the Fifteenth.”
    “Wow! You’re really flying today, kid. You have won a dollar,” his father said, handing it over. “Now, are you a chicken-livered, trembling coward, or would you like to try another question – a really easy one – for one thousand dollars?”
    “Yes! Yes! I’ll try it.”
    “All right, then. Here it is. Jacob Two-Two, for one thousand dollars cash, tell me how you spell ‘chrysanthemum.’”
    Jacob Two-Two groaned.
Why
, he thought,
was everybody in the house always teasing him?
Everybody. One day, sure enough, it got him into trouble at school, but that was Daniel’s fault, teasing again. Jacob Two-Two had been lying on the living-room carpet showing off that he was now old enough to have homework to do in his very own assignment book. Looking up from the book, he asked, “Does anybody know what ‘denote’ means?”
    Daniel told him what it meant, but Jacob Two-Two should have guessed that something was up, because no sooner did Daniel explain the word than Emma hid her face in a pillow. Noah burst out laughing. Marfa whispered, “Hey, Daniel, you shouldn’t have said that. He’s just dumb enough to repeat it at school.”
    Actually Jacob Two-Two hardly ever spoke up in class, because he was still ashamed of his British accent. This worried his schoolteacher, Miss Sour Pickle. First thing at school the next morning, MissPickle turned to Jacob Two-Two. “Jacob, would you please stand up and tell the rest of the class the meaning of the word ‘denote.’”
    “Yes, Miss Pickle.” And, remembering what Daniel had taught him, Jacob Two-Two said, “Denote is what you write with de pencil and de paper.”
    Everybody in the class began to laugh, except for Miss Pickle. “Well, I never!” she said. “What cheekiness! How very, very rude! Jacob, you go stand in the corner at once, and after class is out this afternoon you will stay behind to wash all the blackboards.”
    When Jacob Two-Two finally got out of school late that afternoon, the other kids were waiting for him. But they hadn’t stayed behind to tease him about his British accent. Instead they wanted to be friends. All of them. Even fat Freddy.
    Jacob Two-Two was thrilled. Things were working out for him in Montreal at last.
Then it happened
. At the dinner table that night his father announced, “Mummy and I are going to Kenya for two weeks. On safari. But don’t worry. Aunt Ida is coming to stay with you.”
    “Oh, no,” Noah groaned.
    “Not Aunt Ida,” Marfa said.
    “You forget that I’m seventeen now,” Daniel said, insulted. “We don’t need anybody to stay with us. I can look after the others.”
    Jacob Two-Two was too sad to say anything.

CHAPTER 2
    er name was Aunt Ida, but as far as Jacob Two-Two and his two older brothers and two older sisters were concerned she was the perfectly horrid Aunt Good-For-You. Aunt Good-For-You was their father’s older sister. She never visited the house without bringing the children a gift that was good for them. Say, a quart of her homemade carrot juice. Or a large box of alfalfa sprouts. Or five spools of dental floss. If she brought candy bars, they were sugar-free and made of pressed dates and granola. Before handing them over she would say how lucky they were and how the children of China or India