particularly fond of but which, I have discovered, when confronted with a lack of basic human rights, is everyoneâs best option. I had learned in the last hours that the way tosurvive the horrors of life was not, as my movie-going, book-reading career has taught me, to smart talk and bravado my way through. It was dumb luck, sure, but it was silence more than anything, acquiescence, humility and, taking-it-smilingly-up-the-arse, that saved people from holocausts and tyrannical regimes and Third World jail cells.
The captain smiled and spoke with his teeth tight and his accent smooth, a cigarette burning in his mouth the entire time and moving only slightly. âThere are many, many things you are learning, Lulu, arenât there?â He waited and nodded with a type of approval at my downturned face. âYes. Learning that there are different ways of doing things. You were stupid. You did not shoot a bank worker or steal thousands of dollars. You did not fire on the police. But you were there. And that is stupid. Many of the most stupid people in the world were justâ¦there. Isnât that right, Mr Carousel?â
I raised my eyes a little at the name, though Carousel said nothing, his face stone.
âYour first time in Mexico and you are putin jail. For aiding a robbery. A crime in which several people died.â
At that I jerked up my head and he smiled at me. âMr Ruezinger?â
He watched me slowly, his eyes grazing up and down my torn and bloodied clothes, the shit and piss on my shoes. He settled back into his chair and stared sideways at me, a long lean look that smelled and touched and tasted me.
âYou think you are more than just a tiny part of a very big engine, donât you, Lulu? You think it because you are twelve and you think it because you are white. You think that as you wander around the planet everything else simply wafts in and out of your life, everything is here just for you. You donât consider that you are the very small toe on a large body, and you donât think that for a small toe you are an arrogant presumptive and stupidly dangerous one who would be better locked away so the body can keep living.â
It was soft but I said it, I couldnât help it. âThatâs a bit harsh. I just got a ride on a truck. Thatâs all. I didnâtâ¦â
âDo not speak.â He was quieter than me whenhe said it but he looked at me with such a strength that even my pride was silenced.
âYou have wreaked havoc across the globe. Thereâs a price on your head girl, almost $200,000 for information about your disappearance, you have thrown yourself uninvited into Mr Carouselâs lifeâ¦and, yes, I fucking know who he is. I have read more books in my life than you will ever open. Mexico is hot and poorânot stupid. You have walked into a world he has paid well for, a privacy I have always helped him keep and because your face is on every television screen and every police bulletin across the world, you have put that world at risk. I could use $178,000 myself. My town could use it. Perhaps you owe some of that to the bank?â
My face twitched involuntarily when he said the amount and I felt wry amusement. My fucking parents. I shook my head and smirked.
âYou think this is a funny story do you, Lulu?â
I almost spoke but caught myself and waited till he waved me permission.
âMy parents put up the money, didnât they? They arenât worried about me. They arenât evensearching for me. Theyâre just pissed that I left and want to get back at me.â
He seemed unimpressed and shrugged.
âThe money. Itâs my money. Itâs the exact amount of money in my investment account. From my cattle. They think Iâll come home if my money is at risk. Bastards.â
Carousel smiled and the captain frowned and looked at me through reptile eyes. âYou have that much money? How is it they can