Free Spiral by Kôji Suzuki Page A

Taka's hand slipped away from his calf, and all Ando's hand managed to do was graze his son's hair.
    His wife's half-crazed cries shot over the early-summer sea as she rushed through the water. I know he's close, but I can't reach him! He dived under the surface and moved blindly about but couldn't manage to make contact with that small hand again. His son had disappeared-for good. His body never surfaced again. Where had it drifted to? All that remained were the few strands of hair that had tangled in Ando's wedding ring.
    At the railroad crossing, the bar finally lifted. Ando was weeping, holding his hand over his mouth to stifle his sobs. The cab driver noticed anyway and kept glancing at him in the rear-view mirror.
    Get a hold of yourself, before you totally fall apart!
    It was one thing to break down alone in bed, quite another to do it in broad daylight. He wished there were something, anything, he could think about that could bring him back to the here and now. Suddenly he saw Mai Takano's face in his mind. She was working on a fruit parfait with such enthusiasm that he thought she might lick the dish when she was through. The collar of a white blouse peeked out from the neck of her dress; her left hand rested on her knee. Finished with the parfait, she wiped her lips with a napkin and stood up. He was beginning to see. Sexual fantasies about Mai were the only thing that could draw him out of the abyss of his grief. He realized that he hadn't fantasized about a woman once since his wife had left him-or rather, since the death of his son. He'd lost all of his former attachment to sex.
    The cab jostled up and down until it was straddling the tracks. At the same time, Mai's body was bobbing up and down in Ando's mind.
     
     

9
     
    Mai Takano got off the Odakyu Line at Sagami Ohno and went out to the main street, but she couldn't decide which way to turn. She'd walked this route in reverse two weeks ago, but now she'd lost all sense of direction. When she'd gone to Ryuji's parents' house for the wake, it was in a car from the M.E.'s office. This time, making her way there on foot from the station, she hadn't gone more than a hundred feet or so before she found herself in unfamiliar surroundings. It wasn't a new experience for her. She always got lost when she tried to get somewhere she'd only been to once.
    She had his parents' phone number, so all she had to do was call. But she was embarrassed to ask his mother to come pick her up. She decided to trust her intuition a little more. She didn't have far to go, she knew. It was only a ten-minute walk from the station.
    Suddenly she saw Ando's face in her mind. She'd made a dinner date with him for the coming Friday, but now, she wondered if it'd been careless of her to accept. She was starting to regret it. To her, Ando was a friend of Ryuji's, someone with whom she could share memories of him. If she could get Ando to tell her stories about Ryuji's college days, maybe she'd understand Ryuji's impenetrable ideas better. In other words, she had to admit that some calculation had gone into her decision to go out with Ando. But if Ando started entertaining the sort of thoughts a man can have about a woman, things could turn unpleasant. Since entering college, Mai had learned the hard way that men and women wanted vastly different things. What Mai wanted was to keep the relationship on a level where she and the man could provide each other with intellectual stimulation; her boyfriends' interests, however, always tended to gravitate in another direction. She was forced to turn them down as gently as possible. The trauma her rejections caused them was always more than she could take. They'd send her long apologetic letters which only rubbed salt in her wounds, or they'd call and the first thing out of their mouths would be, "Listen, I'm really sorry about what happened last time." She didn't want them to apologize. She wanted them to learn and grow from the experience. She