Free More Confessions of a Hostie by Danielle Hugh Page A

back of the aircraft to help prepare the cabin prior to take-off. When the aircraft is not full, like today, many people want to swap seats. Everybody thinks that everyone else has a better seat than they do, and they try their best to switch.
    The procedure with most airlines is you need to be in your allocated seat for take-off. Sometimes a P.A. is made to reiterate this practice. Both Damien and I have passengers requesting to move seats before take-off, and we inform them they must remain in their allocated seats for take-off, but as soon as we are in the air and the seatbelt sign has been turned off, they are free to move around the cabin and take any seat on this side of the curtain, as long as it isn’t a crew seat.
    A little old woman overhears our speech and decides to put her two cents worth in to Damien. ‘Do you have to have to sit in the seat allocated to you on your boarding pass, so that in case there is a crash, the authorities can match the seat with the body?’
    Damien, in typical Damien-style, replies, ‘Sweetheart, if we do crash, I doubt very much if your body would be in the original seat you were sitting in anyway.’
    I laugh so hard I nearly gag. The poor little old woman nearly has a heart attack. Damien does explain to her that he was only joking – eventually. He also explains the real reason for seating passengers in their allocated seats. It is all to do with the trim or balance of the aircraft. The pilots often have cargo in the hold weighted to help the balance of the plane, particularly for take-off. On flights that are not full, the passengers have been seated in areas so as to assist this balance. This is the official explanation, Damien tells her.
    Besides, this also gives us the authority to keep some sort of control over the passengers – this, he doesn’t tell the woman.
    The boarding process is often the most stressful time on an aircraft and certainly a difficult time for the crew. Considering the time constraints and the pressure of doing an on-time departure, getting everyone to stow their luggage and be seated can be a painstaking experience. Add swapping seats and moving luggage into the equation, and we add further complications and further delays.
    As I walk around, making sure we are OK for take-off, I notice that Mr. 48C is already making trouble for us. He has his seat fully reclined, although there is a person seated behind him, and his tray table is down, his large bag sitting on the vacant seat beside him. And, to make it all worse, he is making a phone call. A P.A. has just been made by Kate for all electronic equipment to be turned off, for seats to be kept upright, for tray tables to be put away, for window shades to be opened and for all bags to be stowed. This man has broken all the rules. The only instruction he has adhered to is having the shades up. Well, there’s probably a good reason for that, I think to myself. He has one hand on the phone and the other pretentiously stroking his own face. There are no hands free to lean across and close the window shades.
    I know that he can hear very well. I also know that he speaks English. So the only conclusion I can make for his blatant disregard for the instructions is arrogance. I have already witnessed a full display of it at the front door when we were boarding, so I know very well that it is arrogance – and arrogance to the highest order.
    I do actually have a few moments before we arm the doors and begin our safety demonstration. ‘Arming’ the doors pretty much means that we move a lever to engage a mechanism that will allow the slide/raft to be activated if the door was to open in an emergency. In other words, while the door is ‘armed’ and if opened as such, an inflatable slide would pop out and we have a fast escape route from the aircraft. When we are at an aerobridge or have access to stairs, we ‘disarm’ that mechanism, so the door can open