Free Crushed by S.B. Alexander Page A

night last night. He’s a really good guy Ryan.”
    I
glance over at him, and notice him squeezing the steering wheel a little
tighter
    “What,
you asked me and I answered what is the issue?”
    “Nothing
Emmalyn, are you going to have sex with him?”
    What?
    “I
hadn’t really thought that far ahead, I mean we hung out for one day, we aren’t
even dating, and I am not going to just let the first guy who makes me smile
between my legs.”
    “You
let me in there, so clearly it’s not like you look for the best guys.” He’s not
looking at me
    “Yeah,
I am starting to think that was a huge mistake Ryan, but by all means keep
rubbing it in and reminding me that I made a huge ass mistake in letting you
anywhere near me.” Raising my voice
    “You
don’t get it, any of this do you?” he says
    “Get
what, that I am not good enough for you, I got that. I also got that you gave
me the best fucking orgasm I have ever had and 10 seconds later made me feel
like a useless whore. Which apparently is the only kind of girl that you hang
out with.”
    “I
want you Emmalyn. I don’t want girls. I need to fuck them, get rid of them and
then I am good. I have never needed someone. I want to be with you, but I am
the one who is not good enough for you. I don’t know what to do. I want to say
fuck it all and ask you to be mine, but I can’t handle knowing that I am going
to hurt you. Whether I want to or not it’s just who I am, I am a piece of
shit.”
    Tears
well in my eyes, I have heard everyone close to him tell me about this Ryan,
the one who feels like he deserves nothing. The one who was broken down
emotionally by the one man in his life whose job it was to keep him whole
    “You
aren’t a piece of shit, you just don’t have a whole lot of self-love. I like
you Ryan, I really do, but if you can’t be sure about me I don’t really
understand the issue with me being with someone else.” I tell him
    “It’s
not you that I am unsure of, I know what I am feeling and it scares the shit
out of me, because I won’t survive you if I fuck it up, I know that and I have
only known you 6 months.”
    I
don’t know if I should be flattered, if I should find some kind of compliment
in his broken answer.
    “Why
don’t you just let go and live for once?” I ask him
    He
pulls onto the side of the road
    “Would
you do that?”
    “I
do live, I am not hiding from anything”
    “Yes
you are, but that’s not what I mean. I mean would you be willing to throw
caution out the fucking window and be with me, even if you knew that I might
rip you apart?”
    I
looked out the window before turning back to him
    “Do
you think you would do that…? I mean hurt me?”
    He
nods “I don’t think I would mean to, but I break everything good that comes my
way. Could you handle that?”
    “I
don’t know, but part of me really wants to try.”
    He
smiles and leans over and unbuckles my seat belt, pulling me towards him
    He
tucks my lose hair behind my ears and rubs his thumb down my bottom lip
    “That
is the best answer you could have ever given me. I need you. I need to try
this.”
    I
nod, and then he leans in and kisses me gently.
    “Thank
you” he says
    I
climb off his lap “Don’t thank me yet” I laugh
    Part
of me feels like this might be a huge mistake, he was having sex with someone
else less than 24 hours ago. Just thinking about Kelly makes me angry
    “So
what was the deal with that girl last night, why did you have sex with her?”
    “I
was drunk, I think I drank half a bottle of tequila before I even made it to
Jason’s last night, and then when I saw you and how hot you looked when you
opened the door, I just couldn’t handle it. He watched you all night long, like
I always do. I knew that look in his eyes. He wanted you too. Part of me was
scared of losing my best friend over a girl, but more of me was scared of
losing you to my best friend.”
    “So
that’s why you were plowing into her from behind because you