Free A God and His Gifts by Ivy Compton-Burnett Page B

name. They took their accustomed seats and leaned back in silence.
    â€œStrength will return,” said Salomon at last. “We have found it does. What if a time came, when it did not?”
    â€œFor me it has come,” said Merton. “Virtue has gone out of me.”
    â€œIt has,” said Reuben. “We saw and heard it going out. I suppose you will never smile again. I hardly feel that I shall.”
    â€œFather will not, if I follow in his sacred steps. No one else is to tread in them.”
    â€œIs anyone else able to?” said Salomon. “It is on that score that he is troubled.”
    â€œHe may feel some doubt of his work, and not welcome a competitor.”
    â€œWhom does he see in that light? His doubt takes another direction.”
    â€œHe must be conscious of his failings. He may feel that I may avoid them.”
    â€œHe is conscious of other things that you may avoid.”
    â€œI would rather write nothing than write as he does”
    â€œWell, that should offer no problem.”
    â€œI have already written, you know.”
    â€œNothing we may see. We could all say that.”
    â€œWell, the future will show.”
    â€œI can’t bear the future,” said Reuben. “Why must we always harp on it?”
    â€œThere is a past as well,” said Merton. “We havehad new light on Father’s. No wonder you are his favourite, with your likeness to Aunt Emmeline. We feel how little we have known him. And feel there may be more to know. We can see that the trouble lives in Mother’s memory.”
    â€œThat would not matter,” said Salomon. “But it lives in Father’s.”
    â€œHe ought to have a strange, mixed feeling for me,” said Reuben. “Perhaps he has.”
    â€œHis feeling is mixed for all of us,” said Merton. “It is not pure fatherly affection, as we have seen.”
    â€œNo, it is also anxiety and fear for your future,” said Hereward’s voice. “You are taking hasty steps on the path of life. I watch them with misgiving.”
    â€œYou know what it is to have taken them,” said Merton.
    â€œAnd so do not want you to know it. You will be wise to move with care. The forces about us are many. We have need of a sure foothold.”
    â€œI wish Father would not talk as he writes,” murmured Merton, looking down.
    â€œWe write from within,” said Hereward, keeping his eyes on his son. “We write as we feel and live. It is the way to be honest and ourselves. It is as ourselves that all is done.”
    â€œI have no doubt that I shall write as myself, Father.”
    â€œMy boy, I wish you would. I hope you will. But you may be afraid of the natural springs and deeps. If you are, you fear yourself.”
    â€œWe must know ourselves to write as them,” said Salomon. “And that might arouse fear.”
    â€œIt means we must have courage,” said Hereward, as he closed the door.
    â€œWe often need it,” said Merton. “I feel I have shown it to-day.”
    â€œWe feel with you,” said Salomon. “We wondered how much you would show. We did not show it. But we had to have it.”

Chapter VI
    â€œWell, I have a word to say,” said Merton at the table, using a conscious tone and throwing up his brows. “It may cause some surprise.”
    â€œIt can only cause me pleasure,” said his mother. “I wondered if we should ever hear a word from you again.”
    â€œA voice from the silence,” said Reuben. “With a strangely familiar sound.”
    â€œI have had to give some thought to my own life. It is a thing that no one will do for me. And I am about to tell you the result. You can hardly guess it.”
    â€œYou have had a book accepted,” said Reuben. “No, we should hardly have guessed it. I do feel some surprise.”
    â€œI have not offered one. And when I spoke of my own life, I meant something