Free By the Fire: Issue 3 by Stewart Felkel Page A

he whom I have sent below to keep me company.
    If you wish you may tell the police to be careful not to rile me. Of course, I am a reasonable spirit. I take no offense at the way they have conducted their investigations in the past. In fact, they have been so utterly stupid as to not only amuse me, but His Satanic Majesty, Francis Josef, etc. But tell them to beware. Let them not try to discover what I am; for it were better that they were never born than to incur the wrath of the Axeman. I don‘t think there is any need of such a warning, for I feel sure the police will always dodge me, as they have in the past. They are wise and know how to keep away from all harm.
    Undoubtedly, you Orleanians think of me as a most horrible murderer, which I am, but I could be much worse if I wanted to. If I wished, I could pay a visit to your city every night. At will I could slay thousands of your best citizens, for I am in close relationship with the Angel of Death.
    Now, to be exact, at 12:15 (earthly time) on next Tuesday night, I am going to pass over New Orleans. In my infinite mercy, I am going to make a little proposition to you people. Here it is:
    I am very fond of jazz music, and I swear by all the devils in the nether regions that every person shall be spared in whose home a jazz band is in full swing at the time I have just mentioned. If everyone has a jazz band going, well, then, so much the better for you people. One thing is certain and that is that some of your people who do not jazz it on Tuesday night (if there be any) will get the axe.
    Well, as I am cold and crave the warmth of my native Tartarus , and it is about time I leave your earthly home, I will cease my discourse. Hoping that thou wilt publish this that it may go well with thee, I have been, am and will be the worst spirit that ever existed either in fact or realm of fancy.
    The Axeman
     
    Ok, the Axeman claims to be a demon. I can buy that. I’m a dead man after all so who am I to judge. But a demon who likes jazz music stretches credulity. I set the paper down and regretfully move the food aside to get dressed.
    “What’s the matter, don’t like my cooking” Ashley asks.
    “Darlin, I like everything you cook. But I’ve got to go see a man about a horse.”
    Ashley frowns at me and I can’t help but laugh a little. She’s just so cute with her brow furrowed. Dressed I reach for my ever present gun belt. This revolver has been to the grave and back with me. I don’t go anywhere without it. Not even to church.
    “Don’t worry. I’ll be back. I have to go see the good Reverend about how to catch demons.”
    “Well that’s ok then; just as long as you aren’t off finding a girl to replace me.”
    “Never fear, I couldn’t ever replace you.”
    t
    I stop in the street facing the cathedral. It doesn’t look any different from the first time I had seen it. At least there isn’t a sharpshooter in the bell tower this time. I shove the door open and walk into the cool interior. Already the days are starting to heat up. To my left I can see pews with bullet holes still in them. I shake my head and walk towards the reverend’s office in the back. Throwing the door open I stomp in and stop with hands on my waist. He loves it when I burst in unannounced like this.
    “How long are you going to leave those pews like that? It’s disgraceful for a church like this to have bullet holes everywhere.”
    The reverend looks up from whatever he was writing and stares at me over the top of his glasses. He’s a pudgy little man with very little hair left on the top of his head. He still has a stare that would intimidate any parishioner.
    “I would gladly replace them, if there were any funds available to do so. It would have been far more preferable to not have a shootout in here to begin with.”
    His eyes dart down to the gun on my hip and his lips purse.
    “Hey, don’t look at me. I didn’t volunteer to be shot at. Well, not that time anyway. The Powers