Free The Difference Between You and Me by Madeleine George Page A

emptiness, like a sunny, unfurnished room. In a flash,Jesse pictures herself reaching for Emily in a dozen different bathrooms, a hundred different closets, a thousand different hidden secret stairwells forever….
    “I…”
    “Yeah?” Emily’s expression doesn’t change, doesn’t expand or contract even a fraction of an inch.
    “I feel like, I don’t know, I feel like…”
    Now Emily tips her head to the side and scrunches up her eyes and nose into her pity face.
    “I
so
want to talk to you about whatever you want to talk to me about?” she promises, hyper-sincere. “But I’m already late coming off break, I have to go back and clock in with Carol. Is it, like, something that can wait for next time? Or maybe you can email me about it?”
    “I feel like we can’t do this anymore,” Jesse blurts out, and as soon as she’s said it she feels both relieved and crushed with sadness.
    A ripple of something passes through Emily’s face, something strong and violent that Jesse can’t quite identify—panic? terror? rage?—and then it’s gone, dissolved into the shimmering sunshine of her perpetual smile.
    “Okay, that’s crazy,” Emily says firmly but lightly. “I know it’s hard right now, but it’s fine, we’re fine.”
    “I’m not.” Jesse feels like she’s talking like a caveman—grunts and monosyllables. It’s so hard to get out complete sentences when she’s talking to Emily Miller. What she reallywants to say is,
It’s not hard
right now
, it’s
always
been hard, and it’s never going to get any easier. You’re going to go to this year’s Fall Formal with Mike McDade instead of me, and you’re going to go to next year’s Fall Formal with Mike McDade instead of me, and you’re going to go to college with Mike McDade and get married to Mike McDade and have babies with Mike McDade instead of me, and I’m sorry but I’m not fine about it!
    “You are
totally
fine.” Emily gives her reflection a brisk, final once-over in the mirror, then steps up to Jesse and takes hold of her by the shoulders. “Listen,” she says seriously, looking deep into Jesse’s eyes and reaching up to stroke her jawline with two fingers. “I know this isn’t perfect, I know it’s super complicated, but it’s the best we can do now, right? And I actually think it’s pretty good. We have a really good time together, don’t we?”
    Jesse just nods.
    “We have an incredible time together, because we’re incredible together. We have something incredible between us, you and me.”
    Jesse nods again.
    “I mean, it sucks not to see each other more, I miss you all the time and I’m always wishing I could be with you more, but when we
do
see each other, it’s totally amazing, right?”
    Nod.
    “Because
you’re
amazing. You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever known. You’re not like anyone else in the world.”
    Jesse rolls her eyes but she can feel herself blushing. The skin where Emily is stroking her tingles under her feathery touch.
    “I know I’m really busy and that makes it hard for us to find time to be alone together, but I have to say, I’m not even that upset about it right now, because I have a really good feeling about this fall. I feel like everything is going to work itself out. Really exciting new things are happening, and I just know that everything’s going to change this year.”
    “Really?” Jesse can’t help herself. She knows she shouldn’t hear this as Emily saying
I’ll be with you for real by the end of this year.
She shouldn’t hear her saying
I swear I’m going to break up with Mike and make you my girlfriend and take you to prom in the spring.
Of course that’s crazy. Of course that’s not what she means. But somewhere in the secret inner fibers of what she’s saying, Jesse feels like maybe… that
is
what she means?
    “Totally.” Emily beams. “I can feel it. This is going to be a big year for everyone. It’s going to be a huge year for Vander.