Free First Comes Baby...: The Loner's Guarded Heart by Michelle Douglas Page B

recognised the scepticism stretching through her eyes. The weight in his chest grew heavier. If Meg didn’t have any faith in him...
    No, dammit! He clenched his hands. Meg didn’t have all the answers.
    He swore.
    She flinched.
    He kept his voice low. ‘So I’m suitable as a sperm bank but not as anything more substantial?’ Was that how she saw him?
    She stared straight back out in front of her. ‘That surprises you?’
    ‘It does when that’s your attitude, Meg.’
    That made her turn to look at him.
    Dammit it all to hell, she was supposed to know him!
    A storm raged in the hazel depths of her eyes. He watched her swallow. She glanced down at her hands and then back up. ‘How long have you wanted to be a father, Ben? A week?’
    It was his turn to glance away.
    ‘I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember.’
    ‘And you think that gives you more rights?’
    ‘It means I know what to expect. It means I know I’m not going to change my mind next week. It means I know I’m committed to this child.’ She slapped a hand to the sand. ‘It means I know precisely what I’m getting into—that I’ve put plans into place in anticipation of the baby’s arrival, and that I’ve adjusted my life so I can ensure my baby gets the very best care and has the very best life I can possibly give it. And now you turn up and think you have the right to tell me I’m selfish!’
    She let out a harsh laugh that had his stomach churning.
    ‘When have you ever committed to anybody or anything? You’ve never even taken a job on full-time. You’ve certainly never committed to a woman or what’s left of your family. It’s barely possible to get you to commit to dinner at the end of next week!’
    ‘I’m committed to you .’ The words burst out of him. ‘If you’d ever needed me, Meg, I’d have come home.’
    She smiled then, but there was an ache of sadness behind her eyes that he didn’t understand. ‘Yes, I believe you would’ve. But once I was back on my feet you’d have been off like a flash again, wouldn’t you?’
    He had no answer to that.
    ‘The thing is, Ben, your trooping all over the world having adventures is fine in a best friend, but it’s far from fine in a father.’
    She had a point. He knew she did. And until he knew how involved he wanted to be he had no right to push her or judge her. ‘I didn’t mean to imply you were selfish. I think you’ll be a great mum.’
    But it didn’t mean there wasn’t room for him in the baby’s life too.
    She gestured to her right, to where that family now sat eating sandwiches, but she didn’t look at them again. ‘Is that what you really want?’
    He stared at the picture of domestic bliss and had to repress a shudder. He wasn’t doing marriage. Ever. He didn’t believe in it. But... The way those little girls looked at their father—their faces so open and trusting. And loving. The thought of having someone look up to him like that both terrified and electrified him.
    If he wanted to be a father—a proper father—his life would have to change. Drastically.
    ‘Ben, I want a better father for my child than either one of us had.’
    ‘Me too.’ That at least was a no-brainer.
    She eyed him for a moment. Whenever she was in the sun for any length of time the green flecks within the brown of her iris grew in intensity. They flashed and sparkled now, complementing the aqua water only a few feet away.
    Aqua eyes.
    A smattering of freckles across her nose.
    Blonde hair that brushed her shoulders.
    And she smelled like pineapple and coconuts.
    She was a golden goddess, encapsulating all he most loved about summer.
    ‘Ben!’
    He snapped to. ‘What?’
    Her nostrils flared, drawing his attention back to her freckles. She glanced away and then back again. ‘I said, you do know that I’m not anti-commitment the way you are, right?’
    ‘Yeah, sure.’
    His attention remained on those cute freckles, their duskiness highlighting the golden