Free Give Me Truth by Bill Condon Page B

you’re not comfortable . Neither is Mum.’
    I’m not usually bitchy but I think with more practice I could be really good at it.
    â€˜All right, Caitlin. Point taken. I did it. I’m terribly, terribly sorry. I don’t know what else you want to hear. No matter what I say, it’s not going to change anything.’
    â€˜But I need to understand what happened, Dad. If you don’t tell me I’m going to spend the rest of my life wondering, until I go crazy. You have to talk to me.’
    â€˜Yes. I suppose I do.’ He takes a deep breath, almost as if he too is about to jump off the high board at the swimming pool. ‘She was a friend. Someone to confide in. That’s all it was at first. I never intended to hurt anyone.’
    His voice cracks a little but he pulls himself together and comes straight back with a smile, as if to say, ‘That didn’t hurt a bit’ . Not true. It hurts him a lot, telling me this, but he takes another breath, ready to go again. Before he does, I burst in with questions.
    â€˜Are you still seeing her, Dad?’
    â€˜No.’
    â€˜Is it going to happen again?’
    My gaze never leaves his eyes. I have my own personal polygraph. If he wavers once, I’ll know it.
    â€˜No, we’ve ended it, Caitlin. It’s definitely over.’
    More questions. The blowtorch turned up high.
    He doesn’t waver.
    When he finishes there are a few moments betweenus in which nothing is said. Head bowed, he waits for me to bring down the sentence. The jury isn’t out for long. He’s my dad. I hate what he did. But I love him.
    â€˜I think Mum will take you back,’ I say. I have nothing to base that on, but I need to give myself hope. I also need to ask a really hard question … ‘But do you want her to take you back?’
    Dad rubs the side of his face. It’s part of his thinking process. He does things slowly and that annoys Mum. Her mind works quickly. She knows what she wants and does it. In Dad’s mind every decision has to be passed by a committee.
    â€˜I want us to be happy, Caitlin, but I don’t know if that’s possible anymore … I think sometimes you have to walk away.’
    No, no, no!
    â€˜You call it walking away – I call it running away.’
    He doesn’t answer. He can’t answer.
    â€˜I won’t let you, Dad. That’s all there is to it. You can’t break up. Mum’s just hurt right now. Don’t take any notice of what she says. In a few months it’s going to be different. You have to tough it out.’
    His hands sweep through his hair. ‘Listen to me, Caitlin.’
    â€˜No, because you don’t know anything – you think you do, but – ’
    â€˜It’s over.’
    â€˜Don’t say that, Dad.’
    â€˜I have to. I don’t want it to be like that, but it is. It is.’
    I could have cut him to pieces with words, if he hadn’t already been cut to pieces.
    Â 
    Back in my room, I watch TV with the sound muted. It’s only on because I don’t want to be alone right now with my thoughts. Outside I hear a car engine being revved, way too loudly. It’s like someone is announcing, I’m here . The squealing brakes say it too, and then the car speeds away.
    I send a text.
    â€˜Hey, Lanny can I call u?’
    He answers by ringing me straight back. It’s good to listen to a happy voice.

I hear Dad’s shoes smacking hard against the concrete. He walks straight and purposeful, the way he’s drummed into me.
    Shoulders back, David. Don’t slouch. Head up. Make me proud.
    I follow him to the car park, not caring where my head or shoulders are.
    â€˜Wait. Please. Talk to me.’
    â€˜What is it that you want from me, David?’
    He stops beside his car.
    â€˜You. That’s all. Then I’ll go back to class. Just tell me you’re coming back. I can’t leave you until I