Free Xtreme Manly Man Force of Intense Badassery: Book One: The Fountain of Testoserone by Kell Inkston Page A

with
perfectly-defined laws of physics) is likely accustomed do not
fully apply. The Author would also like to remind the Reader to
please be more sensitive to those who do live in subspace realms,
as they can be easily offended if one were to bring up the quality
and continuity of their realm. That said, please be nice, Reader;
subspace folk are not all that bad of people, especially when you
get to know them.
    The Reader's insensitivity to others
aside, the group pushes on through the silently-quiet swamp, until
SISY, who is at the front of the group, takes one step into the
real manly swamp. In the next moment, the Subspace Orchestra fires
up with deep, strong bass guitars and industrial themes, smartly
woven together with the previous ethnic instruments that many would
think appropriate for a swamp. The orchestra blares on for several
seconds, telling of the area's intense badass levels, and then
cools down to retake the eerie, thick silence. It is obvious that
they are in some seriously-manly waters now, and they will have to
be Xtremely careful, or just Xtreme, if they want to get by
alive.
    “Keep your wits about you. I know
something's nearby,” DTO says, reaching into his cloak with
caution. DTO has said what everyone else is thinking. The group
gains a quieter, more-manly demeanor as the adrenaline begins
pumping back into their beings after a long trek through the marsh.
Continuing on, DTO with his hand in cloak, IMRM doing the same with
his own, SISY reached behind to his sword, UDGD doing the same with
his axe, and Mr. Honkers, hand on that stupid little device that he
seems to think is a weapon.
    The squad moves through the muck and
the mire, slowly descending into the water up to their waists, and
then back up, finally to moist ground. The area is littered with
gigantic spider webs, all stained a darkened crimson (use a
different word aside from crimson?), and holding several
brutally-mutilated corpses entwined inside them.
    “Son of a bitch,” DTO says in awe as
the group takes a short pause from the walking. Mr. Honkers, as
usual, is the first to comment on anything his comrade
does.
    “Pffft. Only a noob would find this
frightening! These spiders are all dweebs; they don't have any swag
like I do,” Mr. Honkers claims, further-affirming the minds of his
comrades that he is a total idiot. SISY chuckles heartily, proving
to be an uplifting character in even a place as dark as
this.
    “RELAX, HONKEY! I'M SURE
THE-”
    “What did you call me?!” Mr. Honkers
interrupts indignantly. SISY grins his usual way.
    “HONKEY. LIKE, YOU KNOW, MR.
HONKERS.”
    “H-How dare you! Are you saying you can
just adopt the slang I use?! How dare you!” Mr. Honker’s inquests
with a burning gaze of improperly placed anger. SISY smirks,
finally discovering Mr. Honker's soft spot.
    “OF COURSE! WE BOTH SPEAK THE SAME
LANGUAGE, DON'T WE? WHY NOT SHARE THE SAME DIALECT?”
    “B-because it's mine! It's a term of
honor and intelligence, and you can't go around being a dweeb and
talking like I do!”
    “YEAH? OR WHAT?”
    “O-or I'll totes smash you around and
make you so – ”
    “Shut up!” UDGD interrupts the two,
wanting to hear his surroundings in some sort of peace. Mr. Honkers
sighs, rolls his eyes, and decides to leave this gross crime for
later justice. SISY just chuckles a bit; glad he could get a laugh
or two out of his ally's seriousness.
    The two argumentative men were right to
have been shut up by UDGD, as they are made aware of a very-subtle
bristling sound above them in the branches; it's not just in one
place, either. All around them, there are the sounds of movement in
the dark leaves just overhead, so subtle it would have been totally
undetected if even a single natural sound was being made in the
area. The group replaces their grips on their sheathed weapons and
they wait eagerly.
    After a long pause, the presences in
the trees come to the understanding that they have been found out,
and drop from