Free Tabloidology by Chris McMahen Page B

O’Reilly pulling Ms. Baumgartner across the field toward the maple trees and a great crowd of gasping, shrieking, screaming kids and adults. As Ms. Baumgartner drew closer to the trees, she suddenly took off in a wild sprint, leaving Mrs.
    O’Reilly behind.
    â€œCan you figure out what’s going on?” Trixi said.
    â€œI don’t know. I can’t really see from here,” Martin replied.
    â€œWell, whatever it is, it’s too good to miss.” Trixi slung her leg up on the windowsill.
    â€œHey! What are you doing?” Martin took a step back. “We’re in enough trouble already!”
    â€œDon’t worry, Marty. Ms. Baumgartner’s a little busy right now. She won’t notice if I’m gone for a few minutes.” Trixi slung her other leg over the windowsill, hopped down to the ground and was off across the field.
    A few seconds later, Trixi heard Martin shout, “Hey! Wait up!”
    When they reached the crowd, Trixi pushed her way through, with Martin close behind. “School newspaper! Let me through!” Trixi said. “Step aside! School newspaper! Let me through!” Once Trixi and Martin had fought their way through the tangle of jostling elbows and shoving hands, they stopped and looked up at a scene that could only be described as bizarre.
    There were no injured children, no crumpled airplanes and no escaped convicts. What Trixi and Martin did find was Vice-principal Quigley jumping up and down under the branch of a maple tree. With each frantic jump, he tried to reach a small black clump of hair stuck in a branch about three meters off the ground. Each time he jumped, there was a great flash as the sun glinted off the top of his bald head.
    Standing beside Trixi in the crowd was her classmate, Lonnie Blackwell. “Hey, Lonnie. What in the name of Jumping Jack Horner is going on here?”
    Lonnie Blackwell had been Citizen of the Year for the last three years. She sang in the church choir, volunteered at the hospital and scraped gum off the bottoms of chairs in her spare time. Lonnie had never told a lie or stretched the truth in her life.
    â€œWhen Mr. Quigley stepped under the branch, it swooped down like a giant claw and grabbed the hair on the top of his head. But the hair turned out to be a hairpiece!” Lonnie said. “It was just awful! The hairpiece must have been held on by glue or something, because Mr. Quigley was a little way off the ground before the hairpiece popped off his head and he fell back down. Then the branch just stayed there, holding the hairpiece out of Mr. Quigley’s reach.”
    â€œYou’re not serious!” Martin said. “That’s the most ridiculous story I’ve ever heard in my life!”
    â€œBut it’s true!” Lonnie said.
    Martin shook his head and turned to one of his own classmates, Garth Horton. Garth was a member of the Young Astronomers League who liked to spend his Saturdays helping little old ladies cross the street.
    â€œHey, Garth. I’m hearing some wild stories about what happened here,” Martin said. “It looks to me like Mr. Quigley was climbing the tree to rescue a cat and his hairpiece got caught as he was jumping down. That’s probably what happened, right?”
    â€œNo, it was nothing like that at all,” Garth said. “That tree just reached down like it was really angry and yanked Mr. Quigley’s hair right off his head! I saw it with my very own eyes!”
    â€œThat’s ridiculous!” Martin said. “That’s impossible! Maple trees are…are…trees! And trees don’t do things like that!”
    â€œI guess they do if you read the latest edition of the Upland Green Gossiper ,” Trixi said. She pulled a crumpled edition out of her pocket, held it up and said, “Just take a look at the headline: THE REVENJ OF THE MAPEL TREES!!! Maple Trees Fite Back After Being Trimed! And it’s actually