Free When You Go Away by Jessica Barksdale Inclan Page B

name, and I can tell him you came by."
          Clenching her fists and jamming them in her pockets, she pressed her knuckles hard against her thighs.  The pain forced her to be calm, be good, make this work for the baby.  Peri was lying with her fake smile and still body.  Just as Graham did when he promised he’d love her forever, as her mother had when she was a child, whispering, “Honey, I’m here.  I’ll be here for you always.”  She was lying like her father did each time he smiled at her, trying to make up for everything. 
         Peri tucked her hair behind her ears, trying to speak slowly.  "I want to see him now please.  Tell him to come out and talk to me please.  He can't hide in there."
         "Graham's not here.  Now, give me your name and then go away.  I don't want to call the police."
         Turning her head, Peri could see that there really were women in the windows, one in the house right next to Graham's, her hand at her mouth.  The woman can see the baby , Peri thought.  That's why she looks so afraid.  She’s staring at Brooke's poor twisted body, the way her arms flail, the holes in her stomach and throat.  Inside her, the balloon grew and grew, the heat and pressure unbearable.  Peri tore off her sunglasses and dropped her purse, unable to force her body into deception any longer.  "You know who I am.  I'm Graham's real wife.  I'm the mother of his children.  The one he said he would love forever.  You don't know what he did to us.  If you came out here, you would see her.  Can't you see the baby?  Can't you see her now?  He doesn't send money.  He doesn't call me.  She has a hole in her stomach."
         "Go away.  I’m calling the police right now," the woman yelled, but Peri was climbing up the brick, holding onto the steel fence rails, pulling herself over, landing solidly on her feet, running up the driveway to the front door.  She slammed against it, hitting the wood with her palms over and over again.  "I know you're in there, Graham.  Come out here and see her.  Come out and see the baby.  Look what you've done to us!" 
         Pushing herself back, she saw her colored, rippled reflection in the two stained glass windows in the center of the oak door, and she curled a fist and broke her way into his new life.  It was so cool, perfect, and normal, no powdery formula, no holes in soft skin, no sad eyes following her everywhere.  Peri closed her eyes, wanting to stay there, hooked up to what she might have had in another life.
         The woman inside, the cool and perfect and normal wife, screamed, and Peri reached down the inside of the door for the doorknob, but she couldn't reach it, her fingernails clicking on brass.  Her hand felt wet and hot, and she leaned against the door and slid to the welcome mat, her elbow holding her on the broken window, blood pouring down to her shoulder.  All the pounding and breaking had forced the balloon out of her, but the only thing that had exploded was this door, and she smiled, wanting to laugh.  At least the children were safe.  Before the world faded to gritty black, for a clear moment, she heard nothing.  No crying.  Not the baby.  Not one single sound.
     
    Peri swam in a calm white light.  There was motion and sound over her, people and machines, but she was separate from it, tucked deep inside her body.  Time spun out in a comfortable fuzzy line, and she floated with her eyes closed, listening to the silence from back home.  The baby was quiet and the balloon gone.  For the first time in months, she could feel her whole chest, and she wondered if she was dead.  Or maybe she was happy, smiling.  Was she smiling?  But it didn't matter because her body curved and sailed like a smile, and she remembered being a child, long before the divorce, sleeping in a sun spot on the couch, stretching into the light.
     
         The woman's shirt had little cats all over it.  Peri blinked,