Free IF I WERE YOUR WOMAN by LaConnie Taylor-Jones Page A

me?”
    “You’ve got this twisted. I don’t believe in threats. I carry out promises. Go ahead and nut up if you want to. But if you do, you and me will step outside and handle business.” Ray winked. “And trust me, I’ll wax your ass.”
    ~ ~ ~
    For the past hour, Ray sat alone in the sperm bank, staring at the sterile plastic cup on the table in front of him. He frowned. No amount of steamy videos and Playboy books helped his cause. Startled, he jerked his head up the moment he heard the soft knock at the door. Relief swept over him when Laney stuck her head through the crack.
    “Is everything okay?”
    “Hell no,” Ray shot back, embarrassed. “How do they expect a man to jack off in a little bitty cup anyway?”
    “The process is called ejaculation.”
    He didn’t care what the medical term was. This was too much and he felt a headache coming on strong. He blew out a hard breath and shook his head. “Red, I-I can’t do this.”
    Laney eased through the door and closed it. She gave Ray a shrewd look. “You promised to do whatever it took to get well, remember?”
    “Yeah, but this wasn’t on the list.”
    “Think of it as one more step to beating cancer.”
    Frustrated, Ray jammed his glasses on top of his head. “Jacking—”
    “Ejaculating,” Laney corrected.
    “All right… ejaculating . Satisfied?”
    Laney smiled softly. “I’ll leave just as soon—”
    “All right,” he muttered, “I’m on it.” Ray gave her a pointed look when she flashed a half-lazy grin at him. He knew she’d stand there until hell froze over, if he didn’t agree.
    Laney went up on tiptoe and placed a soft kiss against his cheek. She turned and quietly shut the door behind her.
    Ray stared at the closed door and tried to ignore the incredible ache in his groin. Desire shot through him like an electrical charge the moment Laney walked in. Every time she touched him was proof that he wanted her, cancer or not.
    Truth be told, his battle with cancer wasn’t what he feared most. He was terrified he’d never be able to make love to her the way he wanted to. It wasn’t about sex, not with Laney. It was about a man’s need to make love to his woman and make certain she knew she was his. The uncertainty of his sexual ability had caused him to back away from her last night, which was one of the hardest things he’d ever had to do in his entire life.
    Without a doubt, Ray knew Laney had seeped deep into his heart. Now he was wide open to feelings he never thought possible. And what ate away at him was that he couldn’t act on those feelings, at least not now.
    ~ ~ ~
    “Darling, I’m going with you today,” Laney announced over breakfast two days later.
    Ray didn’t look up. Instead, he stared blankly at the toast on the plate in front of him. “A snowball will melt in the Antarctic before you do.”
    “Why do you say that?”
    He tossed a sharp look her way. “You can ask me that after what happened yesterday.”
    “Oh that.” Laney dismissed the incident with a wave of the hand. Her feelings hadn’t changed one bit. She loved him before yesterday’s episode, so as far as she was concerned, what had happened didn’t matter. 
    Ray couldn’t believe the causal way Laney disregarded what was the most embarrassing moment in his life. Yesterday, he began his first round of chemo. It was one thing to read about what to expect. It was another thing to live through it. He wasn’t sure which was worst, the disease or the treatment for the disease.
    Ray decided to go with the four-round treatment because it was less toxic. Each treatment cycle consisted of five straight days of intravenous drugs followed by two weeks off before the cycle started all over, again. What he hadn’t counted on was the humiliation that hit him square in the face fifteen minutes into his session. When Laney came over to check on him, he got so sick, he vomited all over her shoes.
    “Raphael, chemo affects patients in different ways.