Free Beauty by Patria L. Dunn (Patria Dunn-Rowe) Page A

I’d taken was just reaching its peak, and sitting still I suddenly felt jittery. The clock hanging on the wall sounded louder than any clock I’d ever heard , and before I kn ew it, my bare foot was tapping against the metal examinat ion table in time to the ticks.
    “Ms. Barns…?”
    I jumped at my name, extending my hand a little too fast to the doctor in front of me.
    “Doctor Graham,” she smiled, taking my hand before reaching for the sanitizer on the counter.
    “I need the morning after pill,” I blurted, my fingers clasped tightly together now to keep me from fidgeting.
    “Well that’s a start… Can you tell me why you think you need the morning after pill?” Dr. Graham asked, pen poised over the clipboard I’d given the nurse.
    I repeated what I’d written, nothing more nothing less.
    “My boyfriend and I…we didn’t use protection…” I whispered, heat filling my cheeks when she held my gaze.
    She was a doctor, but it didn’t matter. I’d never t alked about my sexual history with anyone, because until just recently I didn’t have one . Saying that I’d had sex –out loud-was enough to send my stomach into a tightly knotted twist.
    “Birth Control…?”
    “No…”
    “Only condoms then…”
    “Yes…”
    There seemed to be twenty or so more personal questions, and I answered them all, my chin on my chest by the time she ripped off a prescription and set it on the desk. I lay back as she instructed, watching her retrieve a few instruments from a drawer beneath the counter.
    “Ms. Barns…w ere you raped?” Dr. Graham asked, taking a seat at the end of the examination table.
    My legs were already clamped tightly together, but they seemed to stiffen as my breath caught, the wind suddenly knocked out of me.
    Why would she ask that? I hadn’t said that! I’d said anything BUT that?!
    “The reason I ask…” she paused, pushing my knees apart, so that the heel of each foot rested in the metal stirrups on either side. “ … is because when I asked if the sex was forced, you said…I don’t know.”
    I did?! Did I?!
    “Usually Ms. Barns…if you’re having sex with anyone, you either consent or you don’t. If they do anything without your permission or say so…it’s rape. I just want to make sure you understand that.”
    “I do…” I managed to whisper, my entire body now tense from the speculum she’d just inserted in my vagina.
    It didn’t really hurt— hurt, but I was still sore. Sore enough to feel it scraping as she settled it in the right position, and sore enough to let loose a tiny whimper as she took a sample of my insides.
    “So… w ere you raped Ms. Barns?” Dr. Graham repeated softly, holding up a tiny piece of glass for me to see. “If you want me to start a rape kit, I can do that for you. I can also help you report it if you want. It’s not something to be ashamed of…”
    Ashamed…?! Half the girls on campus would ’ve kill ed to have slept with Brice Honeycutt. It had been June’s biggest complaint when she dated him. He was a player…and proud of it. His father could also have me kicked ou t if he pulled some strings. I couldn’t report Jeremy knowing that Brice’ s DNA might show up too. It wasn’t worth the risk.
    “I wasn’t raped,” I answered, my voice soft, but firm.
    Doctor Graham was quiet for a moment as she cleaned my bottom with a wet cloth and then pulled the sheet back down over my legs. I watched as she dropped the piece of glass into a clear plastic bag and labeled it before turning to face me again.
    “If you change your mind…I can always order a rape kit,” she smiled, handing me the prescription she’d set aside.
    “I won’t. And we’ll be more careful next time,” I added, sitting up so that my legs dangled once again.
    “If you want I can write you a prescription for birth control pills too… They’re much more reliable than condoms…”
    “Sure,” I nodded, knowing that I probably wouldn’t take them.
    I