Free Lizard World by Terry Richard Bazes Page B

my hand.
           “Egad,” methinks, “what foolishness is this?” But when I did discern the meagre cause of this brute’s great anguish and sudden subjugation, methought that my sides would brast in twain for the mighty laughter which I must perforce suppress. For in my hand I yet held the gilt looking-glass which the Duke my father had given me when last we parted and into which, moments ere this, I’d gazed to purge a pustule whilst the crew of our small ship interr’d their comrades in the sand. ’Twas this mere glass, into which the sun shone with so fierce a vigour whilst my foot touched ground, that had astonied these brutes with the advent of my glory as if some heathen god had deigned to walk on earth amongst them. When now I saw how thus it stood and that these salvage brutes were conquered by a chimera, I restrained my mirth and gave their prince my least favourite snuffbox and other such trinkets which I had about my person.
           “O marry! They will slit my throat,” yet again cries Bromley “and my widowed mum be left without a farthing!”
           Yea, it even befell that young Bromley, whose shivering face all this while had betrayed a wonderful deal of misery, did now beshit himself and fall to howling upon the ground and altogether make a great show of unworthy terror, in such wise that these salvages began to mutter ’mongst themselves as if it were they questioned how so great a god could have so weak a servant.
           “Fie! Fie!” says I. “Thou hast disgraced thyself and disgraced the King, whom God long keep, bless and preserve!”
           And so it was I gave the brutes Young Bromley, for he was but an indifferent footman and the exchange of gifts is ever a politic practice amongst princes.
     

    II.
     
           This heathen prince did seize upon Young Bromley with a right good liking. For I had no sooner made this proffer of my bounty, than this salvage did sever Bromley his right ear -- which thereupon he did thrust into his maw with grunts and upcast eyes and other such evidences of seeming relish, in such manner as we ourselves might dote upon a capon or some other dainty. For these wretches, who have not Christian souls but mutter their blasphemies to monstrous idols, scruple not to banquet upon human flesh, which they aver is sweet and prize more than swine or pullets.
           Now inasmuch as Young Bromley was a forfeit to these heathens and could not therefore lift my chair, as he was wont, it was a scullion, Simkyn Potter, whom I chose to do my bidding in his stead.
           “Milord,” then says this Simkyn, whose breath was like a jakes, “what thinkst thou of yon heathen strumpet? I trow there’s not a sweeter dish in all of Drury Lane.”
           This same Simkyn pointing his thumb at this crowd of naked salvages (a hellish assemblage of legs and teeth and brutish buttocks) I there beheld, like a flower in a fen, as tasty a sweet as e’er the sun did look upon. Ere this she had not been amongst these wretches, or else she had hardly ’scaped my notice. Had I first seen her at her prayers in St. George’s or ambling in her glass-coach on the Mall, she would have quite outshone the other charmers and been well worth the tumbling. But as it was, she did cling unto that doltish prince, whom I did ween to be her father. And as he was all a wrinkled fruit and foul to look upon, so was she sound and plump for the picking.
           “Here’s goodly sport enough,” methought. And straightaway I did throw a glance and caught her eye and full well could see, plain before me and with scarce a stitch to hide her ripeness, that she was a juicy thing of foolish giggles, as beauteous and brainless as a doe. Thereupon my yard rose up like a cedar and inwardly I burned to have the tousling of her.
           I cannot say, these many years later, what decided me to journey on in the company of these salvages. Of a