Free The Immorality Clause by Brian Parker Page A

to the list,” I grumbled. “Stop talking to the toilet. It ain’t gonna give you any good news about me.”
    Andi’s voice softened, soothing like the tone she used nearer to bedtime. “Zach, you haven’t been to the doctor in five years and three months. You should get a physical. And, you need a companion in your life besides me.”
    “Oh geez. This day has been long enough already. Why are you doing this now?”
    “During a period when you were less bellicose toward your personal well-being, you tweaked my programming to give you subtle hints and offer a helping hand to guide you toward what medical research recommends for a heterosexual adult male. I’ve scoured hundreds of journals, articles and books; they all recommend a physical companion, Zach. As far as I know, the last time you had sex was eighteen months, twelve days, three hours and nine minutes ago. I think it’s time for you to find a companion.”
    I groaned. Having the exact, to the minute detail of how long it’d been since I had sex was depressing. “I’m in a bit of a dry spell. I don’t exactly get the opportunity to meet nice young women that I would consider having a relationship with.”
    “There are thousands of women looking for a mate on local dating sites,” she offered. “I could prescreen the profiles for you and provide you with a list of several women, ranked in descending order of preference.”
    “No. Thank you…” She had a point. It had been quite a while. “Look, Andi. I appreciate it, but I’m sitting outside Wolfe’s shop.”
    “Understood. Time to get to work. I’ll pre-authorize your credit chip for the dating site so I can begin developing your profile.”
    “No! Andi, I don’t need you to help me… Hold on,” I saw movement inside the building. “Someone’s still in the shop. I’d have thought they would be closed.”
    “Wolfe’s World of Gaming and Miniature Figures closes at 8 p.m. on Saturday evenings.”
    “Not what I meant, Andi. I’m surprised that anyone is there, given the fact that the owner just died.”
    “Co-owner. Technically, his wife is now the sole proprietor of the business.”
    “Sometimes I need you to go with the flow, Andi,” I sighed.
    “That’s the third sigh this conversation, Zach. Are you sure you don’t want me to screen the list of local available women? The release of semen—”
    “Alright, we’re done,” I said, cutting her off. I opened the Jeep’s door and stepped out into the pissing rain. The door was almost closed when an odd thought occurred to me and I stuck my head back inside.
    “Andi?”
    “Yes, Zach?”
    “Can you give me a basic, non-evasive rundown on Paxton Himura?”
    “Paxton Himura, the witness from the murder last night?”
    I swear, if an AI program could legitimately show surprise, I think Andi would have been the first to do so.
    “Yeah, that’s the one. She seems like a genuinely nice girl. She’s smart and going to school for self-improvement.”
    “…Okay, boss. This request seems a little unusual.”
    “Does it? She’s not a suspect and she’s given me all the information that I’ll be able to get from her. Plus, I’ve already got a rapport with her,” I said, warming to the idea. Besides Teagan and Amir’s wife, Amanda, I didn’t talk with women conversationally very often. I welcomed the opportunity to get to know someone I’d already broken through that awkward initial conversation point with.
    “Who knows, maybe she’ll like Egyptian food…” I shut the door before Andi could protest further.

    When I stepped inside Wolfe’s World of Gaming and Miniature Figures, it was as if I’d entered an alien world. Freestanding shelving units that held thousands of tiny, unpainted metallic figurines and large bins containing parts for model trains and airplanes covered seemingly every square inch of the customer area. Even more shelves adorned the walls. Older style board games that I remembered from when I was a kid