Free Rock Bottom (Bullet) by Jade C. Jamison Page B

better.
    “Sure enough, you take her in your arms and she engulfs you, makes you feel like no one else ever can.   Suddenly, the rest of the party is gone.  There’s no one around…just you and her.  You breathe her in and she just consumes you.  You can’t get deep enough into her…but you try anyway.  And then, after your beautiful time together, she’s gone, and you feel empty.  No, worse.  You were empty before.  Now there’s even less…it’s like you were empty before and now you’re completely gutted.”  His eyes got a faraway look.  “So you look for her again, hoping to feel full and alive once more…but it never feels as good as the first time.”  His voice grew quieter and he talked more slowly, almost as though to himself.  “And then…it’s like you don’t know how to live without her.  You resent having to search her out.  She becomes a fucking bitch, harping at you, telling you you’re not good enough, you’re not man enough…and then you just need more and more until…”  He shook his head and rested his forehead in his hand.  Jenna was glad, because until he’d switched gears, she was getting sucked into his seductive talk…and there was no way she could let Ethan know he was starting to have that effect on her.  “You don’t want to be with her anymore, but you don’t know how to let her go…and you’re scared to.”
    Jenna took a deep breath and tossed her head to the side, forcing her hair out of her eyes.  “You’re making the right choice, though, Ethan.  Your…analogy of the seductive woman is a good one, because addiction is very much like the dysfunctional relationship you describe.  It’s dependency, not love.  It’s need, but an unhealthy need.  It’s not like needing a drink of water or you’ll die of thirst.  Yeah, it’s that desperate and if you’re hooked, you could die from not getting your next hit, but you know as well as I do that there’s nothing healthy about it.  Water is good for you.  It hydrates you, cleans toxins out of your body, and all that good stuff, but we both know that drugs are just messing with your head.  Sure, a hit of coke might make you feel like a powerful god, but you’re still the same person.  Pot might make you feel a little more mellow, but just because you’re ignoring your problems doesn’t mean they go away.”  She maintained eye contact.  “I know I’m telling you what you already know, but it bears repeating:  all drugs do is mask how you feel.  They’re temporary.”
    Ethan nodded and sat up, leaning against the back of the couch.  “Can I ask you something?”
    She felt her heart start beating just a little harder.  Oh, this wasn’t good.  She shouldn’t feel what she was starting to for this broken man.  Part of what made her heart ache for him was the fact that he was still trying so hard to be the tough rock star who didn’t give a shit, but then she would see him like this, teetering on the edge, so close to giving up.  She wanted to help him, but she had to find a way to keep her emotions out of it.  She paused a moment, allowing her professional persona to take over.  “Sure.”  Oh…that wasn’t good either.  She sounded a little too cold, too clinical.
    Ethan didn’t seem to notice.  “You ever been addicted to anything?”
    No way would she ever tell him the truth… not just about smoking, but also that she had at one time felt addicted to a person.  There was one guy who’d been all those things Ethan had described his addictions as…someone who made her feel whole when she was with him, but as soon as he’d left the room, she would feel worthless, ugly, unwanted.  No way would she ever tell Ethan about her ex-boyfriend.  It wasn’t that she didn’t want Ethan to know she was a human being just like he was, but she didn’t feel like she could completely trust Ethan.  There was something about him that, right now, she wasn’t sure about.  She