Free Home Field Advantage by Janice Kay Johnson Page A

quickly.
    So she wrote out a check for
an amount that decimated her already inadequate reserves, and handed it over.
    "I'm afraid I can't give
you the key until the current tenants move out," the realtor said
briskly. "I'm sure you understand. Now, I expect to be paid by the fifth
of each month. If you want to paint or wallpaper or anything like that, it
will be at your own expense and I'll need to approve the colors or paper before
you start."
    "I understand."
    "You will keep the dogs
outside?"
    "Yes, of course."
    The woman's smile became
steely. "I do drop by regularly, just to see how things are going. If you
have a problem, leave a message any time on my answering machine."
    Marian managed—barely—to
smile and thank her new landlady. She stood on the cracked front walk, Anna and
Jesse and Emma beside her, and watched the woman drive away. The silence was
eloquent.
    "Well," Marian
said, forcing yet another smile, "this is our new home. We can move in
next week."
    "I liked your other
house better," Emma said, wrinkling her nose. "This one's ugly."
    "It's not that
bad," Marian said, less than wholeheartedly. "We can fix it up.
You'll see."
    "It's kind of dirty,
too."
    "I'll bet the people who
are moving out will give it a good scrubbing," Marian said brightly.
"If they don't, I will."
    Three children stared at her
with identical expressions of doubt. To escape, Marian turned to look at the
house again. After a moment she sighed. "Let's go.”
    In the car, Emma fastened her
own seat belt, then waited until Marian had buckled the younger children in the
backseat and settled herself behind the wheel.
    "You know," Emma
announced, "Daddy isn't going to like this house."
    I don't, either! Marian
thought rebelliously. All she said was, "Then it's lucky he doesn't have
to live here."
    "Our house is lots
prettier than this one. We have wood floors you can run and slide on. And three
bathrooms. And I'll bet Daddy would let Rhodo and Aja in the house."
    "To scratch your
beautiful wood floors?" Marian stopped the car before she had backed into
the street and reset the hand brake so that she could give her full attention
to Emma. "Sweetie, we just can't come to live with you. I thought you understood
why."
    The little girl ducked her
head and mumbled, "Well, I don't."
    From a deep well of
tenderness, Marian reached out to gently stroke the five-year-old's brown hair
back from her face. "You'd like to pretend Anna and Jesse and I are your
family, wouldn't you?" she said softly. "That I'm your mother?"
    Emma looked up then, her huge
brown eyes washed with tears. "Why can't you be? I want you to live with
us."
    Marian's heart twisted.
"I know. I know you do, Emma. But..." How to explain to a child so
young? "Have you told your dad how you feel?" she asked.
    The desperate gaze clung to
Marian's face. "He said you were afraid you'd love me, only I wouldn't
really be yours, so someday you'd have to leave and it would hurt." She
bit her lip. "I heard him say you were stubborn, too."
    Annoyance warred with
Marian's sense of humor. Amusement won. "Your dad's pretty stubborn, too.
I think he and I have had this argument before."
    "I want you to change
your mind."
    "I know you do,"
she said gently. "But I just can't. That doesn't mean I won't be happy to
have you come and stay with us any time at all. And we'll come over and ride
Snowball sometimes. Won't that do?"
    Emma pulled away from
Marian's hand and turned her head to stare out the window. Her voice was
muffled. "I never get what I wish for."
    Marian looked sadly at the
back of her head. "You know, sometimes wishes don't come true right away.
And sometimes when one does, it's not in quite the way you expected. What you
really want is a new mother. Maybe one of these days you'll get one."
    Emma was silent so long,
Marian finally released the emergency brake and had begun to back the car out
of the driveway when Emma said, very quietly, "I don't want any mother. I
want you."
    "Oh,