Free Into White by Randi Pink Page B

brought you here? Did they have air-conditioning?” He focused on the strangest things when he got his feelings hurt.
    â€œThe twins.”
    He looked at me like I had snakes crawling on my head. “They hate us!” He was right. Or he was almost right; they hated Toya and Alex, not Katarina. He shuffled up the stairs. When he reached the top, he yelled, “And I found quarters on the way home! Enough to afford a whole meal. That I ate! By myself!” And he slammed the door.
    When he reopened the door, I hoped for his change of heart. “Mom!” he yelled. “Did I get any mail?”
    â€œNot today,” she yelled back from the living room.
    And he slammed the door again.
    Most girls despised their big brothers, but not me. Alex and I were the best of friends. When our parents went rolling off the deep end, we held on to each other for dear life. My brother and I had rarely fought. Sure, we argued over McChicken quantities, and who got the front seat, but never about anything of substance. I ached for both of us. For him because he was alone, and for me, because I couldn’t fully enjoy success unless he succeeded, too.
    Earlier that day, I had not thought twice about his feelings. To be honest, I forgot him completely. I was free of him—of us—for the first time, and it felt magnificent. However, when he walked into that house, sweaty and exhausted, my heart dropped and splattered on the hardwood with my dad’s spilled coffee. Yesterday, I imagined I loved my brother more than I loved myself. Today, I wasn’t so sure.
    â€œYou’re fighting the members of your own army, you know.” Mom sat in the dark, listening. She recycled about twelve parables that she made to fit every life situation. “What’s going on with you two?”
    â€œSome girlfriends brought me home, and I forgot Alex,” I said.
    â€œI gathered that much from the argument; I meant what’s the real issue? You two never fight.” She sounded almost wounded by the thought of us fighting.
    I sat on a pillow next to her. “Everybody fights, Mom.” I wanted to ask her what she expected us to do with two parents who fought more than they breathed.
    â€œThat’s not true. Some human beings are put on Earth for one another. When your father and I brought you home, Alex looked at you like you were God’s screaming little miracle. I would say that he protected you, but even then you had a symbiotic relationship.” She had been watching National Geographic Channel, and she’d picked up science words.
    â€œYou looked out for each other. Alex was mischievous. He needed discipline, but you wouldn’t have it. Whenever he was in trouble, you wobbled in front of him—Pampers and all—as his human shield.” She paused. “You love each other, Latoya.”
    â€œLike you and Evilyn?” I asked, my voice thick with sarcasm.
    â€œLatoya Williams, you watch your tongue about your auntie,” she answered with a touch of rage. “You don’t know as much as you think you do, child.”
    I began to apologize. “Mom—”
    â€œI’m not the best mother. I’ve never put on that I am.…”
    â€œMom … I’m—”
    She held her hand up to stop me from talking. “But I’m here now. And if you never listen to me again in life, listen to me now. Never abandon your big brother.” Mom lifted herself from the pillows and walked toward her room—head down.
    â€œI hear you, Mom,” I said after her. I really was listening, but was I supposed to put my life on hold for him? How were either of us going to grow up with a Velcro sibling? I was doing him a favor. I was like the mother bird that throws her chicks from a tree to teach them to fly. I had never seen one plummet and splat. They all figured it out halfway down and then ascended toward the clouds. Alex would be just