Free Blue Lavender Girl by Judy May Page B

along. But Bob just wouldn’t let it go and kept on complaining until I finally lost it.
    ‘Bob, if you’re so into catching this person, how come you’re back over here and not in the Tea Palace keeping a watch out there? And don’t you think all your shouting has scared anyone away?’
    ‘Well if it hasn’t, yours certainly has,’ he yelled back at me.
    Jenny looked like she was going to cry and Jackson was completely fed up. I just grabbed Jenny and Buddy and went back to the Gate Lodge without even saying goodbye to Jackson.
    Jenny wanted me to go back and make up, but I don’t see why I should have to, after all, Bob was mean to me first. Because I was in such a mood I didn’t really talk to her either and then she got worried that I was angry at her.
    I think it is because her parents are diplomats and probably don’t yell much that she can’t handle it when people fall out. With me, I just feel so bad that I have to lose my temper so that the situation goes away, or I get to go away or something.
    Not that I feel good about it, it’s just what I do. Today I’m really pissed off with myself for reacting that way. I could have just seen it as Bob being in a mood and let him get on with it. But OH NO, I just have to wade in there shouting and sulking every time. From now on I must be nice no matter what I think. Great dancers are always very mannerly and lovely.
    As I left the Gate Lodge around noon today I told Jenny not to worry, it would all be fine. We agreed to give the Tea Palace a rest for today and just do stuff on our own.
    I just got a phone call from Jackson who has called a peace meeting tomorrow so we can work things out. I feel like wearing my jeans and long black sweater and my oldest boots, like I will be safer in that outfit.
    Buddy made me feel better, licking my face and putting his head on my knee as I sat reading in the garden.
    Tonight I got a call from Kira. It was really strange because although I loved talking to her and we stayed on the phone for over an hour, I feel like my life here is my real life and what goes on back there is someone else’s life. When she was talking about what they did in town and at Dee’s oldest brother’s party, it didn’t sound nearly as good as it would have before.
    Then I went back into the living room but couldn’t concentrate on Jane Eyre so I chatted with Aunt Maisie and told her more about Jenny and Bob and how Jackson doesn’t like her after all, and about what a pain Jackson is because he is always so in charge of what we are doing, even though he is the best at it. It would just be nice if he let someone else be in charge.
    ‘Like you?’ she asked.
    ‘Exactly.’
    ‘By the way Tia, how many Jacksons are there?’ Aunt Maisie asked.
    I didn’t know what she meant.
    ‘Well you tell me about how he helped you with your dancing and then you say he is really selfish, and then that he is really stupid but then there’s a really funny story he told. I’ve counted about twentyJacksons, some terrible and some wonderful, so which is the real Jackson?’
    Just then something totally ridiculous happened, I burst out crying because I suddenly realised that I’m really horrible about people all the time. I think it’s so they don’t attack me, or if I tell myself that they are useless then I don’t have to worry that they might not like me.
    Aunt Maisie got all concerned and put down her crossword. ‘Oh Tia, sweetheart, I was only joking. What’s the matter?’
    I blurted out how I hate the way that I find all the bad things all the time and that I want to be more like Jenny because she sees the good things and doesn’t lose her temper. Once I started I was on a sort of roll and couldn’t stop the words coming out. That’s how I ended up telling her about Trundle and how much I hated my life back home and how everyone thought I was trouble, but I’m not but now I don’t know how to get out of it because everyone expects me to not do