Free I Want by Jo Briggs Page A

the doctor said
took several days to sink into Elle’s mind properly. At first, she wondered if
she had dreamt it all. Finding the paperwork for another appointment and scan in
her handbag, she knew it was all too real. After getting back from her
appointment, she had quietly disappeared into her room, and spent the rest of
the day searching through pages of information on the internet.  
    As thrilled, as she was to be having
a baby still growing inside her, despite the loss of its twin, she could not
help but start to wonder how to handle this turn of events. When should she tell
him about the new baby? Did it mean she should go back to him? Yes, she missed
him terribly, but her heart had started to heal, and she was not sure she
wanted to move from New York, now that she was here.
    Following more sleepless nights, she
decided that he deserved to know about the child, but she would not change her
mind about needing to remain single. The existence of a surviving baby did not
change the fact; she was not ready emotionally for such an intense relationship,
as the one she had shared with William.   
    With that settled the next significant
problem was how and when to tell him.   
    After telling her aunt and uncle the
news, she had asked for their co-operation in keeping it between themselves for
now. She felt she needed to get used to the idea of the baby herself, before
she could cope with telling him. Due to the delicate balance of happiness and
depression that Elle was experiencing, her aunt and uncle agreed, not wanting
her to feel any added pressure of having to tell others, until she was
ready. 
    Elle maintained this stance for just
a month when she finally told Cate, but with a continued frostiness between her
other sister and herself, she remained silent on the issue with Jess.
    With the morning sickness finally abated,
Elle had also decided to give up work as a model straightaway, and moved her
career focus back to fashion design. This had been her primary goal, before
being plucked from obscurity by her first modelling agency. She was already
educated in all the basic elements of putting a design together, from pencil to
computer aided, and then onto pattern and fabric. Her next step would be a
degree course, to advance that knowledge to a higher level, which would help
her on her path to running her own clothes line.
    Feeling more confident about her plans
for the future also helped her feel ready to contact William about the upcoming
birth.
    Alone in the apartment, she took the
opportunity to dial his number straight from her phone, as he always had that
with him no matter what. Disconcerted by the fact it went straight to voicemail
at first, she managed to leave a brief message, asking him to phone her. After
hearing, nothing back from him, she tried again on several other occasions, but
it simply rang off and went to voicemail. On the final occasion, she had even
become so emotional at his silence, she blurted out about the news about the
child, whereas all her earlier messages had been just asking him to make contact
about something important.
    Elle became resigned to the fact that
he was not interested in the child, after hearing no response to any of her
messages, after several weeks. Dejected, Elle remained unwavering in her determination
to do her best for their child, even if he was not.
    She tried to keep the strain of William’s
rejection from affecting the baby, but after Elle had experienced sharp
abdominal pains, she had visited the ER to be told she was suffering from pre-eclampsia,
beginning a cycle of uncertainty as to whether the baby would go to full term,
or be born via emergency C-section.
    Her doctor arranged for her to be transferred
from the emergency room and admitted onto a maternity ward so they could hook
her up to a machine to watch the baby’s heartbeat rate and movement, and to
monitor the baby for any distress. After just a few hours, it became clear the
seriousness of the