Free Snake Typhoon! by Billie Jones Page A

Sigh. I
always
sigh when I think of him. One of those great big bosom-heaving sighs like the girls in
Downtown Abbey
. Jay doesn’t even know I’m alive. It’s the bloody hierarchy again, and Cindii with the two i’s always gets in first. She falls over her non-regulation thigh-high boots to get him cups of decaf and herbal teas. Leans over his desk with her buxom breasts popping out all over the place while she throws glances my way. I don’t even get a look in at his carefully coiffed hair, which he constantly flicks with his manicured hands.
    She’s like Good-time Barbie, with her cleavage spilling out all over the place, her inappropriateness making an uncomfortable heat spread through my body.
    And Jay, well, he’s more like Safari Ken. With his regulation-length shorts and his khaki shirt, which he leaves unbuttoned one hole under the required minimum (I do like a man who lives on the edge), not to mention the thick beige socks he scrunches down into his limestone-coloured desert boots. He has fine golden hair on his arms, but his legs are strangely hair-free. Must help in the field, I guess. Probably trying to avoid chafing or something else hairy-leg related. I picture myself running my hands down his smooth tanned skin, then push the vision away. I’m invisible to him. Always stuck in Cindii’s curvaceous shadow, cuddling a King Brown I’ve rescued from a day-care centre, or purring to a vibrant green tree frog who’s lost his way.
    Anyway, back to the task at hand. I’m roaring towards the heliport; time is of the essence. I’m not scared of flying in choppers, but most of my crew are, which I know is the main reason I landed the gig. I’ve even thought about getting my pilot’s licence so in future I can fly myself, but that would take some careful budgeting on my salary.
    Pulling into the small car park, I flash my badge to the guard at the gate. He nods and pushes a big button, allowing me access to the hangar. I feel a little bit special that I get to park my dinged up car near the limos and prestige cars that line the Tarmac. I ignore the frowns of the stylishly dressed women waiting silently with their designer holdalls sitting at their feet. I’m guessing they’re designer labels, by the way they give my battered mountaineering backpack the once over and stand closer to their glittery, golden mini suitcases. Cindii is a fan of those fancy bags, I know, because I’m constantly blinded by the gleam that shines off the metal labels when I’m walking behind her, watching her swing her hips like a catwalk model. It’s quite a safety hazard.
    In the distance, a bright-yellow chopper sits on the Tarmac, like a huge dragonfly. I hoist my backpack over my shoulder and head towards the helicopter. Time for me to switch on. The pilot gives me a half-hearted wave as I jump aboard. He’s tanned to a leathery brown and has huge biceps fighting the fabric of his flimsy T-shirt; good to know I’ve got some muscle behind me if we get into trouble up in the air.
    I hold out my hand. “I’m Kez, nice to meet you.”
    He ignores my proffered hand and looks over my shoulder.
    I turn too, and see nothing but the gleam from the damn designer bags.
    “Lost something?” I ask.
    “Where is everyone else?” he says, frowning.
    “Everyone else?”
    His jaw clenches. “Yes, your team?”
    “My team are on other missions. Why? I’m here for recon, and then I’ll call in if I need support.”
    He rubs two fingers over his moustache hair. He looks like a Magnum, P.I. wannabe. “Do you even know what you’re up against?”
    Here we go, I get this a lot. Because I’m female. Obviously in the eyes of some men I can’t wrestle newts, or take down blue-tongue lizards, because I’m a moderately attractive woman, and extremely athletic to boot.
    Hands on hips and using my most authoritative voice, I say, “Look, I’m on a time limit here. Can we get going?”
    He sits down and massages his moustache again.