Free Up Ghost River by Edmund Metatawabin Page A

fault!”
    â€œStealing is always wrong.”
    â€œI don’t want to go back,” I said.
    Over the rest of the holidays, I tried to bring the topic up again with Mama and Papa but they always said the matter was already decided. Eventually I gave up.
    I stayed close to home more than I used to. I liked to play with Papa’s things when he was out of the house, they smelled of him. Once when I was wearing his hat, Mama took it away, saying I would get it dirty, but it upset me so much that she relented and let me wear it in the house, and even let me sleep in it.
    On the day that I went back to school, Papa, Mama and Alex were scheduled to head for their trapline. Papa made a big breakfast of bannock and rabbit, but I was too anxious to eat it. I waited by the door for Papa to take me.
    â€œEd,” he said. “Your mama isn’t feeling well. I’m going to take her to the infirmary. Can you go to school by yourself today? Or do you need me to take you?”
    I felt crushed. I really wanted to be with him, even for a few more minutes. I stared at the floor and then looked up at him. He looked between Mama and me worriedly.
    â€œOkay, Papa,” I said. I put on my coat and left.
    I walked toward the river, looking at the spruce forest on the other side. Once on the bridge, I looked back. I could make out patches of roof between the trees and shrubs that lined the river. All I could think: I love you Mama, Papa and Alex. I already miss you so much.

FIVE
    Back at school, Tony came up to me at first break. He was more energetic than I had seen him in a while.
    â€œLook what I got!” He put his hand into his pocket and showed me a corner of yellow paper. It looked like a packet of chewing gum. “One of the older boys gave it to me.”
    â€œCan I have some?” I was still debating whether or not to go to Brother Jutras. Joe had finally said that it was okay as long as I didn’t tell anyone.
    â€œYeah. Not right now though. Sister Wesley is watching.” I looked around the yard and saw her standing next to the entrance. He was right. We were quiet for a while, hoping she would pay attention to the other boys instead.
    â€œHow was your break?”
    â€œGood,” I said. “We got presents this year.” Mama had decided that we would have Christmas presents as well as the spruce tree. We had never done that before, but she said she wanted a celebration worthy of the baby Jesus.
    â€œPresents?”
    â€œChristmas presents.”
    â€œYeah. Some people have started doing that in my town, too.”
    â€œDid you get any?”
    â€œNah. Is Alex coming to St. Anne’s this year?”
    â€œNo. Next.”
    â€œLucky him,” Tony said. “One more year out in the bush.”
    â€œYeah. I know.”
    Tony hid the gum under his mattress and rationed it out. Sometimes we’d take it in turns to chew the same piece. Tony always got the first chew, and normally I got to go next so the gum still had some flavour. It was risky—I’d heard from some of the older boys that the punishment for chewing gum was to kneel in front of the class with the piece stuck to your nose, while the rest of the class laughed and pointed.
    Chewing the gum took my mind off things, and made me forget the pains in my stomach for a while. But they always came back stronger. Tony said it happened to him too, and that’s why we should go stealing. I didn’t want to, I was too scared. But every day he kept on at me, calling me yellow legs, lazy bones or a wemistikoshiw trapper. I ignored him, but it was hard seeing the nuns eat their chicken or steaks every night and being hungry.
    The night I agreed to go with Tony, we kneeled listening to Sister Wesley say her nightly prayers, telling us, as usual, that we were all sinners who would probably go to hell, then got into bed. I rolled over so I could see the dorm door ajar, and the thin line of light