Free Critical Failures II (Caverns and Creatures Book 2) by Robert Bevan Page A

he said. “I’ll just get right to it. We haven’t heard from the Cavern Master in a while, and we were beginning to get concerned for our good friend, Mordred. I just wanted to know if you’ve heard anything. That’s all.”
    “I… um…” Frank broke eye contact with Eric. He was floundering.
    “Mordred went on vacation,” said Cooper. Somebody had to say something. “Just packed up and went to Pensacola. Said he’d be back in a week or so.”
    Eric walked up to stand face-to-face with Cooper. The big guy had a good thirty pounds on him, and Cooper didn’t think he’d be able to land more than a couple of punches before he was out of the fight… if it came to that.
    “And just what the hell is this supposed to be?” said Eric. “I feel ashamed to call myself a half-orc standing next to you. You are an embarrassment to your race.”
    Cooper farted. It was quite loud.
    “Ugh,” said Eric. “You are completely and utterly disgusting. Where is your dignity, man?”
    “Sorry,” said Cooper. “I must have left it in your mom.”
    Two or three giggles broke the thick silence, but they stopped abruptly when Eric glared at the crowd, looking for the source.
    Eric grabbed the hilt of his sword and began to unsheathe it. He’d only drawn it a quarter of the way out when he stopped and broke eye contact with Cooper. Cooper looked around to see what had made him stop. There were at least a dozen sets of hands glowing blue, pink, and green, shining in the dreary dimness of the Whore’s Head common room. Julian held his fist cocked back, its familiar golden glow betraying a Magic Missile ready to be let loose. The thought of using a pussy spell like that against someone like this was almost enough to make Cooper laugh. Then again, a dozen Magic Missiles might just lay this fucker down. He’d at least be walking funny on his way out.
    A snarl from behind Eric caught the big bastard’s attention. A wolf loomed behind him, pacing back and forth between him and the door. Two more wolves lurked in the shadows, their eyes reflecting what little light there was in the room. Two cats scurried across a beam above Eric’s head. A hawk flew past, presumably just to make itself known. A few rats scurried purposefully out of the crowd to glare at the intruder. Even a fat little toad hopped forward. Ravenus flapped down to land on Cooper’s shoulder. Cooper, for once, was glad to have him there.
    Eric shoved his sword hard back into its scabbard and glared hard at Cooper. “This isn’t over…” He looked as though he wanted to continue, but dared not call Cooper another name, lest it come back to bite him in the ass again.
    He turned and stomped toward the exit. He opened the door and turned around. “This treachery shall not go unpunished!” The big bastard looked like he was going to start crying. Cooper almost felt sorry for him. Eric ducked under the frame and slammed the door behind him.
    The crowd remained silent. Cooper turned to Frank, expecting a scolding. It was laughable, really, he tried to convince himself. Him, being scolded by a gnome. But that gnome had just faced off against a bigger badass than himself. He actually felt a little nervous.
    “You have a gift, my friend,” said Frank.
    “Huh?”
    “A certain knack for saying just the right thing to push a man beyond the threshold of good judgment.”
    “You’re not mad?”
    “I damn well should be,” said Frank. “That big mouth of yours could have gotten one or more of us killed.”
    Cooper hung his head. “Sorry.”
    “It could have,” Frank continued. “But it didn’t. Instead, you inspired courage. You made us realize that together we are stronger than they are.”
    “But you said you already knew that.”
    “We knew it on a superficial level, but that’s not the same as knowing it knowing it. You catch my meaning?”
    “No.”
    “You made that little prick back down,” said Frank. “He’s not going to bother us again for quite