Free Nemesis of the Dead by Frances Lloyd Page A

lights flashing in the middle of the night, Jack was starting to wish he had access to some back-up. Even his lovely, wacky Corrie was weirder than usual – banging on about Greek gods and Marjorie’s life insurance. But that was nothing compared to the strop she’d go into if she knew he was still on duty on their honeymoon. Thank heavens for Sidney. What you saw was what you got. Nothing remotely inscrutable about good old Sid.
    He just hoped that when push came to shove – as he was now certain it must – they wouldn’t get in his way. Or, even more important, that they wouldn’t get hurt in the cross-fire.
     
    The storm was closing in. On the balcony, Corrie watched the sea churning, dark and restless, spawning tales of Poseidon riding the mistral and shipwrecking fleets. Diana was lying down, the atmospheric pressure, she said, had triggered one of her migraines. Tim and Ellie, the human book ends, had gone into town to see if they could buy matching rain-hoods. Ambrose was in the lobby, complaining to Yanni that his room had not been cleaned properly, while Marjorie stood patiently by, looking at her watch to ensure she gave him his tablets at the exact moment they were due. Nobody knew where Sky was. She had muttered something obscure about going out to look for a systemic ambience in which to balance her chakras.
    ‘Where’s the professor?’ asked Jack.
    Corrie came in from the balcony. ‘Maria said he’s been out since dawn with his sample case, looking for specimens.’
    ‘I think I’ll just go and see if he’s all right,’ said Jack. ‘Will you be OK on your own?’
    ‘’Course. Since when have you been interested in botany?’
    Jack grinned. ‘Just because I’m a big, hairy copper doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate a pretty flower.’
    Sidney was in the bar, looking bored. Good, thought Jack. His suspicion that Diana might not be lying down on her own was unfounded – at least for the moment.
    ‘Going somewhere interesting, squire?’
    Jack shrugged. ‘Depends what you mean by interesting. I’m going to watch Professor Gordon nurturing his little friends.’
    ‘I’ll have some of that,’ said Sid, putting on his sombrero.
     
    They spotted the professor’s orange anorak in the olive grove, flitting from flower to flower like a restless butterfly. Jack could see that he was totally engrossed and expected him to be annoyed at the intrusion, but he seemed genuinely delighted to see them and more than willing to give them a guided tour of the island’s flora.
    ‘It’s so gratifying that ordinary men like yourselves, from quite mundane walks of life, should nevertheless have sufficient intelligence to appreciate the fascinating botanical world that we are privileged to share with plants.’
    The professor said this in wide-eyed innocence, simply stating a fact and quite oblivious to the condescension.
    It would be interesting, thought Sid, to see how useful his plants were next time his pipes burst. He’d be blooming glad of a mundane plumber, then. He bent down to examine a small bristly cucumber growing out of the stony ground.
    ‘I wouldn’t touch …’ warned the professor. ‘Oh dear. Too late.’
    The fruit exploded violently, squirting out a sticky liquid all over Sid’s hand.
    ‘That’s an Ecballium elaterium ,’ said the professor affectionately. ‘The squirting cucumber. Active right through to September. Magnificently virile. See how far he spreads his seed in just one ejaculation.’
    ‘Very impressive,’ said Sid, wiping it on his shorts. ‘I went scuba-diving in Majorca to look at a cucumber but it wasn’t like that.’
    ‘What was it like?’ asked Jack.
    ‘Dunno. I couldn’t get me specs on under the face mask.’
    ‘I’d keep an eye on your hand, old boy. That mucilaginous liquid can cause mild irritation, even inflammation, if you’re susceptible. That’s why I wear these.’ The professor stroked the spent fruit with hands protected by surgical