Free Intermix Nation by M.P. Attardo Page A

to eyebrow.
    When Grum told the class they were to start
learning actual fighting techniques, the recruits didn’t take him
seriously. They laughed and joked and practiced mock karate moves
on one another. Nazirah got into plenty of fights in Rafu, but
always with bullies who tried to mess with her. She never started
fights, and the thought of battling her fellow recruits was
disturbing. Nazirah hoped they would practice on dummies, like when
they learned to throw knives or shoot guns – or maybe just watch
Grum perform a move and follow his directions.
    But that was not the case.
    Grum made them form a semicircle, selected
two recruits at random, and forced them to battle each other. Only
when they both were bruised, bloody, and crying had Grum said it
was enough. If the recruits viewed rebel training through
rose-colored glasses before, well, the glasses are definitely off
now. They are being groomed to win. And in order to win, they have
to fight and kill.
    For the last two weeks, Nazirah has been
losing touch with reality.
    Nazirah slowly faces her opponent, an Oseni
named Anzares. Nazirah has never spoken to her before today, but
she knows from watching Anzares fight in class that she is
vicious.
    Anzares doesn’t give Nazirah even a moment
to prepare. She kicks her full in the stomach, sending her
sprawling onto the floor again.
    “Enough of this!”
    Cato yells at Grum from somewhere to
Nazirah’s left. Cato has defended Nazirah each time she has to
fight, but Grum never lets her off that easily. Nazirah holds her
hands over her stomach protectively, the blood rushing to her ears.
Anzares stands over her, looking up at Grum, seeking his approval
to end the fight. But Grum shakes his head.
    “Either she learns to fight now,” Grum says
to the class, pounding his clipboard, “or she dies on the
battlefield. The same goes for each and every one of you! Is that
what you want?”
    It’s certainly not what Anzares wants.
    Anzares kicks Nazirah hard in the leg with
renewed intensity. “Bitch, get up!”
    Many of the recruits feel Nazirah receives
special treatment because her brother is a Commander. They are
practically begging Grum to pair them up with her. Nazirah rises to
her feet once more, standing passively in front of Anzares, waiting
for the next attack. It won’t be long now. Won’t be long until
Nazirah gets what she’s been waiting for.
    It’s been like this for two weeks.
    On the first day, even though Nazirah had
fought plenty in the past, she froze up. She was unable to move,
unable to strike out at her opponent. It was like when she met
Adamek at the prison. She wanted to kill him so badly, but pulled
away at the last moment.
    Is she a coward? Had it started then?
    Nazirah thinks it probably started four
months before that, on the night she found her parents and
everything changed. She changed; she isn’t that same carefree girl
she was. She feels sick at the thought of hurting another person,
feels unbearable guilt at the sight of another’s blood. She doesn’t
even see her opponents before her anymore, but rather the haunting
faces of Riva and Kasimir. She sees their hollow, accusing eyes
asking Nazirah the same question she has asked herself for
months.
    Why didn’t you save us?
    It overwhelms her. So she stands there,
reveling in her guilt and shame, and feels salvation in the
punches. She embraces the pain that comes with the blows and
beatings, and the blissful relief that follows. Because this is
what she deserves. This is what, if just for a moment, makes her
feel something besides guilt … besides nothing at all.
    But Anzares doesn’t see this.
    Grum doesn’t see this.
    The rest of the class doesn’t see this.
    All they see is a girl who won’t fight. Who
won’t even try. And this enrages them.
    Anzares throws Nazirah a final punch to the
cheek. Nazirah sees the blessed stars for a second before
collapsing to the floor on her knees.
    Like she’s in prayer.
    Because isn’t