Free The Kid Who Ran For President by Dan Gutman Page B

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    Q: You’re on record as saying your first official act as president will be to abolish homework. What will your second official act be?
    A: To abolish making beds. Why make a bed in the morning? You’re only going to sleep in it again that night.
    Q: What do you plan to do about jobs?
    A: I plan to get one as soon as my term as president is over.
    Q: Which president do you most admire, and why?
    A: Grover Cleveland. Because he became president despite the fact that he was named after a character on Sesame Street.
    Q: How do you feel about school prayer?
    A: Every morning I pray that school will be closed.
    Q: What do you intend to do about teenage pregnancy?
    A: My dad says we’re going to sit down and have a talk about that, but he keeps putting it off.
    Q: It takes a tremendous amount of desire to become president. Do you have the fire in the belly?
    A: Yeah, it must have been those tacos I ate for dinner.
    Q: What’s the toughest part about running for president?
    A: Learning not to pick my nose in public.
    Q: What do you think we should do about hazardous waste?
    A: I’d suggest you try a strong laxative.
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    That ought to do it, I thought to myself. I couldn’t say anything more disgusting, juvenile, or unpresidential than that. Nobody could possibly take me seriously as a candidate for president.
    President White and Senator Dunn stood there during my answers. Both of them were flustered. When the journalists asked them a question, they fumbled all over the place trying to look dignified. I guess they weren’t used to obnoxious kids.
    For our final statements, all three of us were asked to address one issue we would be likely to face as president — how to achieve lasting peace in the Middle East.
    The president gave a little speech about how he had formed deep relationships with all the Mideast leaders over the last four years. Senator Dunn said that the United States had to back up its friends in the event of a conflict.
    I didn’t have any strong opinion on the subject, and I couldn’t think of a good wisecrack. So I told a little story.
    â€œOne time I was at a baseball card show and some kids got into a big argument over whose cards belonged to whom. I stepped in the middle of it and looked over their collections. I told one kid that if he gave the second kid his Ryan Howard rookie card and the other kid gave him two Matt Holliday cards, they would be even. I told the third kid that if he gave each of the other kids his Cliff Lee and Tim Lincecum cards, they would probably give him the Robinson Cano and Joey Votto cards that he wanted. To make a long story short, they made all the swaps and everybody was happy afterward. So I think I could keep everybody in the Middle East happy the same way.”
    â€œI don’t believe the Israelis or Palestinians collect baseball cards,” the moderator chuckled.
    â€œWell, maybe they should,” I said. “It’s better to fight over cards than it is to fight over countries.”
    And that was the end of the debate. The moderator came over and thanked all three of us for participating. I shook hands with the president and even got his autograph.
    When I came off the stage, Lane was sitting on the floor with his knees up and his head buried in his hands. He looked like a kid whose pet had died or something.
    â€œI’m sorry, Lane,” I said. “I guess I just don’t have the fire in the belly to be president.”
    He didn’t say a word to me on the ride back to Madison. He just stared out the window.

I had trouble sleeping after the debate and got up very early. I went downstairs to get the morning paper. The reporters camped out across the street weren’t even awake yet.
    The headline on the front page nearly knocked me over:
    MOON WINS DEBATE, SURGES AHEAD!
    By Ralph Hammelbacher
    12-year-old Judson Moon cleverly turned the tables on President White and Senator Dunn last