Free Once More With Footnotes by Terry Pratchett Page B

let's have any advice from you about how to straighten it. Throwing women over your pommel and r i ding off into the night isn't approved around here. It's probably an ism," he added gloomily.
     
                  "It works for me," said Erdan.
     
                  "Yes," muttered Dogger. "It always did. Funny, that. You never had any trouble, I saw to that. Twenty-six books without a chang e of clothes and no girl ever said she was washing her hair."
     
                  "Not my fault, they just throw ..."
     
                  "I'm nor saying it was. I'm just saying a chap has only got so much of it, and I gave mine to you."
     
                  Erdan's brow wrinkled mightily with the effort of th ought. His lips moved as he repeated the sentence to himself, once or twice. Then he appeared to reach a conclusion.
     
                  "What?" he said.
     
                  "And you go back in the morning."
     
                  "I like it here. You have picture television, sweet food, soft seats. "
     
                  " You enjoye d it in Chimera! The snowfields, the bracing wind, the endless taiga ..."
     
                  Erdan gave him a sidelong glance.
     
                  "Didn't you?" said Dogger, uncertainly.
     
                  "If you say so," said Erdan.
     
                  "And you watch too much far-seeing box."
     
                  "Television," corrected Erda n. "Can I take it back?"
     
                  "What, to Chimera?"
     
                  "It get lonely on the endless taiga between books."
     
                  "You found the Channel Four button, I see." Dogger turned the idea over in his mind. It had a certain charm. Erdan the Barbarian with his blood-drinking sword, chain-mail kilt, portable television, and thermal blanket.
     
                  No, it wouldn't work. It wasn't as if there were many channels in Chimera, and probably one of the few things you couldn't buy in the mysterious souks of Ak-Terezical was a set of decent n i-cads.
     
                  He shivered. What was he thinking about? He really was going mad. The fans would kill him.
     
                  And he knew he'd never be able to send Erdan back. Not now. Something had changed, he'd never be able to do it again. He'd enjoyed creating Chimera. He o nly had to close his eyes and he could see the Shemark Mountains, every lofty peak trailing its pennant of snow. He knew the
     
                  Prades Delta like the back of his hand. Better. And now it was all going, ebbing like the tide. Leaving Erdan. Who was evolving.
     
                  "Here it say 'House of Tofu'," said Erdan. Who had learnt to read.
     
                  Whose clothes somehow looked less hairy, whose walk was less of a shamble.
     
                  And Dogger knew that, when they walked through that door, Erdan and Nicky would hit it off. She'd see him al l right. She always seemed to look right through Dogger, but she'd see Erdan.
     
                  His hair was shorter. His clothes looked merely stylish. Erdan had achieved in a short walk from the bus-stop what it had taken most barbarians ten thousand years to accomplish . Logical, really. After all, Erdan was basically your total hero type. Put him in any environment and he'd change to fit. Two hours with Nicky and he'd be torpedoing whaling ships and shutting down nuclear power stations single-handledly.
     
                  "You go on in, " he said.
     
                  "Problems?" said Erdan.
     
                  "Just got something to sort out. I'll join you later. Remember, though, I made you what you are. "
     
                  " Thank you," said Erdan.