everything.’
Anna-Karin wonders if she says this only to make the situation less embarrassing for them both.
‘Have you talked to Nicolaus?’ she asks.
Minoo nods.
‘We’ll have to go ahead without him. Even though it feels all wrong.’
A small chilly lump begins to wriggle in Anna-Karin’s belly.
‘He’ll surely understand that we have to,’ she says. ‘That we’re doing it for his sake as well.’
‘I hope so,’ Minoo says. ‘Besides, perhaps we won’t find a thing. And then he doesn’t need to know. Our best option now is to take one step at a time and not plan ages ahead.’
It sounds very much as if she’s trying to convince herself and Anna-Karin realises that Minoo cares as much for Nicolaus as she does. They have that in common, at least, and it is a good feeling.
9
Ida looks up at the school clock.
She almost hopes that Erik won’t turn up. If he doesn’t, she’ll cycle to the stables right away. She longs to be with Troja. Longs to hear him neigh when she steps into his box. Longs to go riding on him in the forest, losing herself in their shared rhythm.
‘I’ll give Erik exactly three minutes. Then I’m off,’ she says.
‘It’s good that you’re so strict with him,’ Felicia replies.
‘However else would he learn to behave?’
Felicia giggles in agreement. As if she knew the score about how to manage a boyfriend, even though she has never had one. Ida gives her sunglasses a push – they keep slipping down the sweaty ridge of her nose. Checks her mobile again. No sign of life. And now the stream of pupils on their way out of school is thinning.
‘Don’t feel you have to wait with me,’ Ida says.
‘No problem,’ Felicia replies, then tugs at the shoulder strap on her bra.
Of course it’s no problem, Ida thinks. Felicia would wait however long it takes just to make sure she could breathe the same air as Robin for a few seconds.
‘Listen, you’ve got to let go of this thing about Robin,’ Ida tells her. ‘Or at least do something about it. Like I did about Erik.’
Which isn’t entirely true. When Erik kissed her at Hanna H’s spring party, Ida had simply let him. Just as she let him hold her hand in school the next day and let him announce a week later that they were going out together. The thing was, she couldn’t bear to wait around any longer. And she hoped that Erik could make her stop yearning for the person she really wanted.
‘But perhaps I’m not as brave as you are,’ Felicia answers.
The front door of the school is thrown open. Ida feels the familiar small tug at her heartstrings when he steps outside into the sunshine.
G.
A huge wave of tiredness floods through her. Why won’t it ever pass? Why doesn’t her body stop reacting like this every time she sees Gustaf?
Then, a couple of paces behind him, Minoo. As she walks down the front steps, her black curls bounce around her head.
‘Do you think what Julia said is true? You know, that they were snogging down by the locks?’ Felicia whispers.
‘Come off it,’ Ida snaps. ‘Why would G snog with someone like Minoo?’
If only she was as sure as she pretends to be.
Ida tries to interpret the body language between Minoo and Gustaf. Aren’t they walking closer to each other than they need to?
When Gustaf started going out with Rebecka last summer, she was devastated. And now, he’s with Minoo? Seriously?
Ida has felt like this about Gustaf ever since primary school. Now, her only comfort is that she hasn’t told anyone. No one except Troja, that is. But not Julia or Felicia. Not even Mum. The rule is never to admit to wanting something until you’re a hundred per cent certain you can have it.
‘I’m off now,’ she says.
‘Sure you shouldn’t wait just a little longer?’
Ida’s only reply is a snort. She bends to pick up her bag and her sunglasses slip off her nose. They hit the tarmac with a plasticky tinkle. She’d happily stamp on them.
‘Oh, look, there’s
Learning to Kill: Stories