Erik,’ Felicia says.
The disappointment in her voice is palpable. In other words, Erik is alone. Ida doesn’t turn to look. She picks the glasses up, puts them on, then pretends to look for something in her bag. When Erik reaches them and tries to kiss her cheek, she twists her head away.
‘You’re late,’ she says.
‘Sorry.’
‘No point in saying sorry, just stop being late all the time.’
‘Kevin was doing this totally insane thing, we—’
Ida cuts him short.
‘Forget it. Not interested.’
Ida turns to Felicia, who won’t meet her eyes.
‘We’ll be in touch tonight.’
Felicia hesitates for another second.
‘It won’t do you any good to hang out here, Robin won’t come,’ Ida says.
Felicia forces her face into a surprised smile, as if ready to deny that she had thought of Robin at all. But she doesn’t dare challenge Ida, so she retreats with a little laugh and a quick hug. And almost runs away across the schoolyard.
‘What was all that about?’ Erik asks.
‘What was what?’
‘All that about Robin?’
Now, at last, Ida looks at him.
‘Don’t say you haven’t noticed that she obsesses about Robin all the time? Christ, she’s so embarrassing!’
‘Is she in love with him?’
‘Can’t we talk about something else? I want an ice cream before I go to the stables.’
‘Noooo, not again,’ Erik groans. ‘Can’t you forget about the sodding stables just for once? You’re too old to keep on cuddling your horse.’
Ida has given up trying to explain to Erik that going to the stables isn’t about being cuddly. It is a tough place and the work can be heavy and enervating. Dangerous, even. At least as dangerous as his ice hockey. And she loves it.
‘He’s not even your horse,’ Erik says.
‘I’m joint rider. So I’m responsible for him.’
‘I had planned we’d go to my place for a while. We’d have an hour before my parents come home.’
She hates the whining note in his voice. She’s positive G would never sound like that.
‘Really? Whatever you thought is hardly my problem. I never promised anything.’
Erik groans again. Ida picks up her bag and they start walking towards the bicycle racks. In silence. She has no intention of speaking first.
They unlock their bikes. Glancing his way, Ida realises that Erik is looking at her. He is about to give in.
‘Robin fancies Felicia, too,’ he says.
This is his little peace pipe, his way of saying that a possible quarrel is now behind them.
Ida fumbles for the silver heart on a chain that is always around her neck and starts twisting the chain around her fingers.
‘No way,’ she says. ‘He hardly even looks at her. Last time we went to the lake he seemed fixated on Vanessa Dahl. Like certain other people.’
She can’t be sure whether Erik hasn’t noticed the edge in her voice, or just pretends he hasn’t.
‘You know what Robin is like. He has to be tanked up before he’ll even chat to a girl … shit, I must tell him.’
He starts rooting around for his mobile, but Ida puts her hand on his arm. She’s got to buy some time. Work out what the consequences might be.
‘Don’t, not yet,’ she says. ‘Promise not to. I’d better talk to Felicia first.’
Ida is soaked in sweat after the ride through the forest. She brushes Troja and cleans out his hooves before taking him back into his box. Then she puts her cheek to his muzzle and strokes his neck.
‘Aren’t you the best horse in the world?’ she whispers. ‘And you love me, too, don’t you?’
She blows gently into one of his nostrils and gets a warm gust against her face in response.
Sometimes, her love for him is so strong she is close to tears. They are the same age, she and Troja. It is so strange to imagine that he is well past middle age while she is still young.
‘You mustn’t die, not ever,’ she whispers.
He buffets her belly with his muzzle.
While she changes afterwards, she becomes conscious of the world outside the
Learning to Kill: Stories