Free Masquerade by Georgia le Carre

Bastard.

Ten
    I 'm pulled abruptly from a deep, alcohol-fueled sleep. My body feels like lead, I can barely open my eyes, but the fear is immediate. Something is wrong. Like an animal I smell the danger. I didn’t close the balcony door.
    Someone is on my bed!
    My eyes jerk open. It is too dark to see. I'm being turned over as though I'm weightless. I open my mouth to scream and something soft is stuffed into my mouth. My body goes into shock and I freeze. During those precious moments of inaction the man straddles my body on my thighs and pins my arms down and over my head.
    I start struggling.
    But he already has the upper hand and he does nothing, only stays motionless and watches my useless struggles. My brain suddenly understands. He is just trying to tire me. I immediately cease struggling. My whole body is trembling violently with fear. I try to speak around the gag, but only strange guttural sounds escape.
    ‘Shut the fuck up…’ he says, and pulls both my hands together and, trapping them with just one hand, takes his other hand into my nightgown. He touches me between my legs. I shudder with fear and horror.
    Roughly, he tears away the scrap of material between him and me and I start screaming my lungs out, but the sounds that come out will not carry. They are muffled and grunt-like.
    I try to pull my thighs together, but it is impossible because he is sitting on them. Enjoying my total helplessness, he lifts himself momentarily to part my legs farther and I take that opportunity. With a burst of sudden strength I roll to the other side of the bed and spring out.
    My only thought is escape.
    I run toward the door. I know I won’t make it to the front door and then try to mess around with the locks. If I can just get to the kitchen I can grab a knife. He bolts after me. I can hear him.
    I am at the dining table when he captures my upper arms and whirls me around to face him. He presses my body against him and catches my wrists and holds my hands high above my head. I’m not a black belt in judo or anything but I do know exactly how to disengage a man. I bring my knees upward but he pushes his hips back so I miss him, lose balance and stagger. He twirls me around.
    He has the advantage of brute strength, but it is so dark in the dining room with all the curtains pulled shut that it is very hard to make anything out. That is my advantage. I know my house far better than he.
    I lunge suddenly for the large, antique bronze clock that Lana bought for me and heave it toward me. The weight of it makes me collapse in a heap, the clock hitting the floor with an almighty crash. The thunder of its crash is obscene in the terrible silence of our struggle.
    The silhouette falls on top of me and curls his hands around my throat and starts choking. A whisper, chillingly close, says, ‘Do not move.’
    On my hands and knees, I freeze. He stops choking me. The ticking of the clock becomes so loud, I need to distract him. I let out the breath I am holding.
    The clock is still gripped hard in my hands. I know I don’t have the strength to swing the clock but if I turn around suddenly I can smash my heel into his jaw. I feel a surge of adrenalin.
    ‘You should not have run. You should have accepted your fate…in your bed.’
    I turn my head slowly in the direction of his voice. He is masked. A frighteningly white mask. It gleams in the gloom. I cannot breathe for the gag. He does not want money. I have only one thought in my head. I must find some way…
    The man tilts his head. ‘I have a knife.’
    I make a small begging sound.
    He fists my hair and lifts my face off the floor. ‘You are going to be raped.’
    In an instant I grasp the true horror of my situation. I am totally helpless.
    ‘No!’ I scream, summoning all my strength. He pins me down with his body. Then every sound becomes amplified a thousand times in my head. A trouser zip being undone. The white mask falls close to my face. Before I can look up a