her. In fact, she thought she might be sick right there on the pavement. She took a few steps back until she found a fire hydrant to steady herself on. She’d kill them both, except then they’d be together in the afterlife and that would kill
her
.
A bus drove by, burping clouds of stinky black exhaust in her face. Blair began coughing furiously, and through the hot tears in her eyes, she saw Serena’s gorgeous, airbrushed face in front of her, larger than life, staring out from the side of the bus, the words BREAKFAST AT FRED’S in pink rolling script above her gleaming blond head, and below, in hot-pink letters TRUE LOVE NEVER LIES.
Apparently, that depends on your definition of true love.
smile! things can only get worse
“Surprise!”
Dan walked into the Humphreys’ apartment after a long day of stacking musty books at the Strand and blinked in shock as the lights snapped on. Multicolored balloons hung from the ceiling, and rainbow crepe-paper ribbons twirled from one end of the room to the other. Rainbow flags hung from the doorway, waving in the early evening breeze that wafted through the open windows. What the hell was going on? He smiled as he looked around the room, crowded with so many familiar faces—his parents, Vanessa, his dad’s Beat-poet friends, even the crazy old lady from apartment 5F who liked to take her mangy cat for walks around their crumbling apartment building’s hallways. And wait, weren’t those dorky guys in the corner from his calc class at Riverside?
“Are you surprised!?” His mother sang, pulling Dan into the room. She was wearing a candy pink shirt that said PFLAG over a fuchsia-and-white batik-print floor length skirt. Her electric blue toenails peeked out from the straps of her battered Birkenstocks.
“What’s PFLAG?” Dan demanded, staring at the front of her shirt. “And what’s all this . . . for?” There were so many rainbows it made him nervous.
“PFLAG, my darling, stands for ‘Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays’—” Jeanette began.
“And it’s a party—to celebrate your coming out.” Vanessa appeared at Jeanette’s side, holding a ballpark frank festively slathered in mustard in one hand and a small digital video camera in the other. She was wearing a black tank top with the words HE’S MY GAY BOYFRIEND printed on it in hot pink lettering. “Happy Gay Day!” she called out from behind the camera.
For a second, Dan couldn’t help feeling a little touched at how supportive she was being. Maybe they could be like Harper Lee and Truman Capote—he’d be the gay, brilliant star of the New York literary scene, and she could be his grounding, stabilizing force and literary muse, all rolled up into one cute, bald-headed package. Then he remembered where he was—apparently at his own
surprise
coming-out party. He tried to focus.
“I thought I’d video your journey into gaydom,” Vanessa told him with a smirk. “Your mom thought it was an
excellent
idea.” “Come with me, Daniel.” Jeanette pulled him toward the kitchen. She handed him a glass of bright pink liquid. “I know I’ve missed a lot of things in the last couple years. I wanted to do something special for you right now.” Couple? Try
ten . . .
Dan stopped walking and stared at his mother’s not-entirely-familiar face. The truth was, he’d gotten used to her being away a long time ago, but he’d always felt especially bad for Jenny, growing up without a mom and all.
“But really, teenagers all just hate their parents anyway, so I’m sure it wasn’t much of a problem.” Jeanette sniffed dramatically. “And this summer, I was really able to reconnect with Jennifer when she was in Prague,” she went on, her voice warbling as though she were about to cry. “And then when this opportunity to support you came up—well, it just seemed like the right time for a visit.” Dan nodded, not sure what to say. It made him happy that things were right between Jenny and their