Free Flamingo Blues by Sharon Kleve

CHAPTER ONE
    Corny Myers could hear them all laughing at her, “Qw uck, aw uck, aw uck!” The seagulls thought her motion sickness was hilarious. They loved the lime-flavored vomit she hurled over the side of the Victoria Clipper. What they were really saying was, “ Dive, dive, dive. Could that be a lime chunk she just barfed? I get first dibs on any tortillas she hurls, since I spotted her first; anything that I miss is up for grabs.”
    She understood the disgusting scavengers because Corny was born with a unique psychic ability; she communicates with animals. Her mother and father said it was handed down from her Great Aunt Harriet on her mother’s side; (an ability they preferred not to acknowledge at all.)
    When she received and an email from Groupon, she’d thought it was an advertisement for group sex, and deleted it. When the next email from Groupon arrived, and she saw Christmas getaway in Victoria BC , in the subject line, she took the time to read the whole email. It promoted a two-night stay at The Empress Hotel, one of the oldest and most famous hotels in Victoria. It includes their High Tea and a front row seat for Victoria’s annual lighting of the city Christmas celebration.
    With her busy schedule and Steve’s erratic schedule, they thought this would be the perfect Christmas gift to each other. For a tough-as-nails Seattle cop, her boyfriend had a surprising romantic streak.
    Today was supposed to be the first day of their romantic weekend getaway. Oh, but she had to go and celebrate her trip to Victoria by getting drunk with Kitty Skinner and Brenda Howser. Her fondness for margaritas has now jeopardized their holiday weekend.
    Corny hadn’t intend to get drunk but her friends were excited about the pretty little box she had found in Steve’s closet and one thing led to another and now seagulls are laughing at her.
    She didn’t realize she was mumbling out loud, “Everyone please stop laughing at me …can’t you see I’m sick?”
    Steve gently leaned over her and held her hair out of the way, which she appreciated.
    “Honey, nobody’s laughing at you; it’s thirty-five degrees out here and we’re the only people crazy enough to be freezing our butts off. Let’s get you inside where it’s warm and maybe you’ll feel better.”
    “Steve, it’s the nasty seagulls that are laughing at me. Please make sure they don’t follow us to The Empress Hotel. They’re starting to circle over our heads and those flying garbage cans are placing bets on who can hit me while my head is bent over the side.”
    Steve shook his head and said, “Sorry, I forgot you can hear them.”
    Corny looked around and realized The Victoria Clipper was decorated in gold and red Christmas décor and holiday music played softly in the background. If this didn’t get her into the spirit, then nothing would. Christmas was just two short weeks away and she hadn’t bought one single present yet. Even Pete, her parakeet, complained about her lack of cheer. Her pink frosted Christmas tree was still in its box in her apartment’s storage area. The Santa Claus for her small deck needed to be blown up and her plastic wreaths needed their leaves straightened out. She loved the holiday season, she only needed a little holiday spirit injection and this weekend would do it.
    Ten minutes later Steve led her down to the infirmary, the kind nurse said, “Here eat a couple saltines and drink a little flat Fresca. We keep this on hand for queasy stomachs.”
    “You must see a lot of this?” Steve asked, and indicated her green pallor.
    The nurse thought she had sea sickness; Corny wouldn’t tell her otherwise. She thought she should say something to indicate she’d be okay. “Thank you, we’re spending two nights at The Empress Hotel and we’re going to do major shopping while we’re there.”
    Steve rolled his eyes and said, “Joy.”
    The nurse smiled at both of them. “You’re welcome to stay here and take a little