Free The Body Language Rules by Judi James

nonverbal communications signal to other people, but you shouldn't go running off with the idea that you can compile some sort of Photoshop bodytalk image of yourself that will be universally loved, admired, and respected .

    PlAying By The Rules There are very few rules when it comes to good and bad body language . Although I'm sure there would be something very comforting in creating a special section 74 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    of body language dos and don'ts, I'm not going to . If I did you'd very quickly start to think I was being unfair . You'd start looking at other speakers and you'd spot at least a few very good orators who used the gestures I'd banned you from using . In fact, most of the great speakers I've seen appear to break every "rule" in the body language book .

    Let's have a look at some high-profile names and their effect and image balancing acts .

    PRInce chARLeS We've all read he has a butler put his toothpaste on his toothbrush for him . This could render him about as popular with the proletarians as Marie Antoinette . However, his public persona is distinctly lacking in signs of status or even wealth . His clothes look unfashionable and sometimes even well worn and his nervous self-touch rituals and furrowed brow signal anxiety and a touch of subservience .

    PRInceSS DIAnA Being a designer clotheshorse and a princess could have made Diana appear haughty and remote . However, she consistently delivered a body language masterclass . She was a consummate mirrorer, flexing her own body language style to fit whomever she was with, effectively lowering her own status and heightening theirs accord- ingly . She was also brilliant at producing self-effacing g e S T U Re S 75

    gestures at exactly the right time . On one occasion she appeared at a glittering state banquet looking perhaps her most elegant, with her hair pinned up and a tiara on her head . As she walked away from the cameras she turned quickly and pulled a little face, patting the back of her hair . She was skilled at making her audiences feel as though she was their best friend .

    mARILyn mOnROe Possibly the best image balancer ever, Marilyn Monroe managed to portray overt sexuality and an almost childlike innocence and vulnerability in equal measures . She did this by alternating swiftly from one to another with each appearing and disappearing at exactly the right speed . One minute she was doe-eyed, with a shy-looking dropped chin . Next minute that chin would be thrown back and her eyes half closed to simulate the state of orgasm . This ability to blend two extremes made her unique . The modern unacceptability of blending these extremes has ensured we won't see her kind again, at least not as a popular and universally loved character .

    show, don'T Tell This is an enduring learning point from this book, so much so that it deserves the rulebook treatment, so: 76 T he B O Dy LA ng U A ge R U Le S

    Body lAnguAge Rules Rule 7: show, don'T Tell!

    This is a golden rule for all your body language performances .

    Words are about telling but your body language is all about showing . It's a bit like sex . Anybody who tells you they are a good lover isn't . How do I know? Because they felt the need to tell you . Someone really hot in bed would just let their technique do the talking . When they tell you, they're projecting what they want you to tell them .

    It's the same thing with businesses: "We're customer- focused," "We always exceed expectations," "I'm a people person"; or housemates on Big Brother: "I'm really funny," "I'm always entertaining," "I'm a really nice person ." This is all tell, tell, tell . And when they're given the chance to prove their statement? Guess what, they're rubbish .

    By showing, you offer proof . You can't tell people you're friendly and warm if your body language is saying "I'm a sociopath ." However, you could just keep quiet, smile in a friendly way, and use open gestures, and they'll soon be telling