Free Out of the Blue by Isabel Wolff

her own back, I hoped she
wouldn’t come to regret what she’d done. Still, as I say, I always keep out of
office disputes. As I picked up my bag I saw that there were two copies of The Game of the Name lying on the planning desk.
No-one seemed to want them, so I put a pound in the charity box and took one of
them home. There was an index at the back, and I looked up Peter; it said that
Peter means a rock, which I knew. I thought how Peter always has been my rock,
really—steady and unswerving and strong. I pondered my own name, and wondered,
not for the first time, to what extent it has shaped who I am. Would I have
turned out differently if I’d been called something racy, like Scarlett or
Carmen or Sky? But I was christened Faith, so I guess I couldn’t be racy if I
tried. And I decided I might as well be true to the name I have and I resolved
not to have doubts about Peter. So when I opened the front door and saw that
Lily had sent me the December edition of Moi! I
simply felt like throwing it away. But then, on the other hand, I knew she could
only mean well.
    I’m sure there’s absolutely nothing to
worry about, she had written in her large round hand. But just to be on the safe side, do read this as it’s full of
handy hints. PS, why not check out the IsHeCheating.com website?
    “How ridiculous,” I said to Graham as I flicked through the
magazine again. “Peter isn’t having an affair.” Even
so, I couldn’t resist reading the article. Just out of interest, of course.
    * * *
    How to Tell If Your Man’s Playing Away:
    1. He’s distracted and distant.
2. He’s working
late.
3. He’s looking fit.
4. His wardrobe’s improved.
5. He’s not
interested in sex.
6. He’s sending you flowers.
    * * *
    Now, the scary thing was that I knew I could answer a
resounding “yes” to all of these. But I decided to remain quite calm, because
there’s a rational explanation in every case. Peter is distracted and distant
because he has many worries, and has lost weight, ditto. He’s working late
because his boss is vile; he’s improved his wardrobe because he has to look
smart for job interviews. He’s not interested in sex because his libido is low
due to his depression about work. He bought a mobile phone so that his
headhunter can contact him at the drop of a hat; and he sent me flowers for the
simple reason that he forgot our anniversary and felt bad.
    “So there we have it,” I said to Graham as I read and reread
the piece. “He’s in the clear. We have nothing to worry about.” I looked into
his eyes—they’re the color of demerara—and I stroked his velvety nose. Graham’s
been anxious too, you see. He’s very sensitive to my moods and over the last
couple of days he’s been feeling a bit insecure. I know this because he’s been
sitting closer to me than normal—preferably on my lap. Also, he’s following me
around more than he usually does. So this afternoon I said to him, “It’s OK,
Graham, you don’t have to get up every time I leave my chair.” But he does. He
came with me as I climbed the stairs to the spare room on the top floor. As I
say, I didn’t really think that Peter was having an affair, but in order to put
all my fears to rest, I’d decided to check his pockets. Peter’s fairly tidy, and
he doesn’t have huge numbers of clothes, so I knew my investigations wouldn’t
take long. I found that my pulse was beginning to race as I consulted the
magazine again. You must leave everything exactly as you
found it, it advised. If he suspects you’re on
to him he may stop what he’s doing, which means you’ll never get to the
truth . So, feeling like a thief, which evoked in me a curious mixture
of tremendous excitement and deep dread, I carefully went through his clothes.
First I looked in the pockets of his sports jackets. But all I found was an old
bus ticket, a hanky and some coins.
    “Nothing suspicious there,” I said to Graham. He looked at me
with what I can only