Free Ballistic by K.S. Adkins

surprises me when she hits unlock and lets me in.
    Also surprising , since I half expected her to flip me off or run me over.

“People build up walls not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.”
    I call bullshit on that , but whatever. In my opinion people who say shit like that are too stupid to realize they are getting fucked over. Then once they do, they cry foul. Guess what? You don’t get to cry foul, dumbass. Pay a-fucking-tention! There is always a line around the block of people waiting to screw you. Pass out the numbers like they do in the deli and tell each and every one to suck a dick. Works like a charm.
    Can he not just give me five fucking minutes to myself? I take back what I said about him being herpes. He’s not herpes, he’s worse. What’s worse than herpes? Christ, I don’t even fucking know. Unlocking the doors because he stands there looking like a lost puppy, he climbs in, grabs my smokes and lights one for each of us. Cracking my window while he cracks his, I inhale deep, holding it in as long as possible. Jules asked me why I smoke and I told her it’s because the poison feels good. It works through my system slowly giving me the buzz I need while soothing me at the same time. Yes, I’m aware it’s killing me and looking over at him, it’s safe to say I’ve found another poison. This one far deadlier than what I’m inhaling. Probably far more addicting too, as far as vices go. If I started inhaling him I’d never quit and I know it.
    When I don’t initiate conversation , he does it for me. One thing about him is he doesn’t like silence. He also doesn’t take hints well either. I’ve decided he’s a puppy with herpes. “Do you ever wonder what a victim’s last thoughts were?”
    Closing my eyes , I think on it. Odd he’d mention it, considering it’s a thought that plagues me daily. “I like to think their last thoughts were of someone they loved. Someone who loved them back, if they were lucky enough. That they were comforted by the fact that they knew love at all.”
    “Love is powerful.”
    “So I’ve been told.”
    “You’ve never been in love?”
    “Anthony,” I whisper, taking another hit. “Please go.”
    “I can’t do that,” he says , taking my hand despite my resistance. “The scene was tough for you, I see it. What can I do to help?”
    Silently cursing myself because it would figure the one guy who has secrets he isn’t sharing, also appears to be the most honest one in this truck right now, is fucking with my head. “Thanks for the offer, but you don’t have the skills to help me. Let’s just call it even with dinner.”
    “You are not like any woman I have ever met,” he says , taking his hand back and it bothers me that I miss the contact already. I mentally slap myself twice for being such a chick about it too. “You’ve built a fortress around yourself. I’m not sure there is a man alive strong enough gain entry.”
    “After dinner I’ll start on your case,” I tell him , turning away not wanting him to see how the truth of his words affected me. “The sooner we finish this the better for both of us.”
    He continues on like I haven’t dismissed him. Like I said, herpes. “I believe the answer to destroying the fortress is truth. I hope that when I prove myself by giving it to you, that you’ll see I’m the exception and treat me accordingly. I don’t need to be strong to do it Lina, I just have find another way in.”
    As he climbs out and gets back into his own car , I sit there devastated. He wants to destroy my walls, when walls are the only thing I have left. By destroying the walls I built, he’ll be, in essence, destroying me too. He called it a fortress, I called it self preservation.
    I don’t know Anthony well, but I do know determination when I see it. Herpes doesn’t just go away and apparently neither does he. Taking the long way back, I get fuel and a carton of cigarettes. I smoke a lot