Free A Life More Complete by Nikki Young Page A

deeply. I wake to the smell of coffee
and bacon. I shuffle my way to the kitchen. Gia is at the stove making
breakfast—pancakes and bacon. There is fresh fruit on the counter. I grab
a strawberry and sit down cross-legged in a kitchen chair. The kids are both
staring aimlessly at the television in the family room as it blares some
bizarre song about chicken soup with rice.
    “Morning, Gi.”
    “Hey, Krissy. Sleep well?”
    “Always. I think it’s the Midwest,
does it to me every time,” I say smiling.
    “Move back,” she laughs and both of
us know that although it’s a joke, she’s serious.
    “Maybe.”
    Gia shouts for the kids to come eat
breakfast and neither of them moves, their eyes glued to the television. I can
hear the annoyance in her voice when she calls again, so I offer to take the
kids off her hands for a few hours. She agrees without giving it a second
thought and shoves all three kids out the door with buckets for strawberry
picking. I stop off at the guesthouse and find Trini sitting at the kitchen
table drinking coffee. She looks well and smiles at me when I invite her to
join us.
    Trini meets us a few minutes later
and she’s adorable with the kids. She takes turns carrying Nico and Gianna on
her back as we hike our way to the field. She helps them pick far too many
strawberries, all of them stuffing their faces until Gianna’s face is smeared
with red. Trini stops and takes pictures with her phone of the kids and me. She
hands the phone to me and I snap a few of her and the kids. I’ve never seen her
so carefree. She has so much pressure and stress, but she trudges through never
getting to be a kid herself. It’s like someone has flipped a switch and given
her back her childhood, the one she missed so long ago. She catches me staring
at her and she smiles, a big beaming bright smile, a real smile; the kind that
you feel in your heart. She walks over to me, leaving the kids to gorge themselves
on even more strawberries.
    “Someday I’m going to be a mom,” she
says and tears form in her eyes.
    “I know.” I grab her and pull her to
me and kiss her cheek. “Love you, baby girl.”
    “Love you, too, Krissy. I love it
here. Thanks for bringing me. Do you think Gia would care if I never went home?”
    “I feel the same way every time I
visit. I don’t know what it is, but it’s wonderful.”
    The three days we spend at Gia’s fly
by far too fast and I feel forced out the door when it is time to leave. Not by
Gia or David, or even Trini, but by the looming black hole that waits when I
return. My job. The only time I picked up my phone was to text Ben and I fought
the urge to check my email or listen to my voicemail. The anxiety is pooling
and I know by the time I arrive home it will be out of control. I hug Gia,
David and the kids good-bye, promising I’ll be back soon and this time I’ll
make good on that promise. Being with Gia made me look at things in a new
light. Only three times in my life did I make a conscious decision to forgo my
job and my clients for someone else. The birth of Gia’s three kids were the
only times I dropped everything and hid from the public. Those were three of
the happiest times in my life, and if that’s any indication of how my life
should be, then that’s the choice I’m going to make. Gia cries as we drive off
and so do I.
    Trini and I have a three-hour ride
back to Chicago and then a four-hour flight to Los Angeles. Neither of us speaks
of the reason for the trip, but the conversation flows easily on both our
parts. Trini talks fast and sounds like the eighteen year old that she is. She
can’t stop talking about how wonderful Gia is and how lucky I am to have a
friend like her and how amazing it is that we’re still friends after so many
years.
    “I don’t have any real friends. I
basically bought all my friends and they still don’t stick around.” She says it
so matter of fact that I can feel the pain through her words. “You’re the