Free Seeing Your Face Again by Jerry S. Eicher

or the smell of freshly mown hay drifting into her open bedroom window was enough to turn her thoughts toward Amish life. Then there was Alvin. Alvin was the crown that could have held it all together. But now, even with him gone, the pieces were still there like they always had been. She must readjust. But how? That was the question. Should she pursue Alvin in Philadelphia? Amish women didn’t do that. And that course of action seemed foolish and impossible at the same time. He wouldn’t listen to her anyway. Perhaps she should weather this storm in her soul. Hunker down and wait and not draw attention to herself.
    That was the best route, Debbie decided as she folded one of her dresses. She looked and acted like an Amish woman in many ways now. Verna and Ida had assured her of that many times, so it must be so. Ida might be inclined to indulge in a biased point of view, but Verna would have told her the truth. Verna was practical in that way. Ida let her kind heart get in the way of total honesty sometimes.
    Right now Ida was clearly on a mission. She wanted to help quiet down the community’s whisperings over Alvin’s departure and eliminate the resistance Debbie had to Paul’s attentions. Ida meant to solve the first with the second, and she gave up her own hopefor Paul in the process. Debbie sighed. No doubt Ida found a certain satisfaction in her self-sacrifice, but her soft heart was the real reason behind Ida’s actions. And for that Debbie couldn’t slight Ida in the least. But the girl’s efforts were wasted when it came to Debbie’s affections toward Paul. “Look how he likes you!” Ida had said on the way home Friday night. “I haven’t seen Paul so impressed with a girl in a long time.”
    Debbie wondered how she could make Ida understand that this placed her right back where she’d been in her college days. She’d dated several boys, Doug being the last one. All of them were of the same type. They dashed about with outgoing personalities and plenty of charm. Debbie knew a part of her was drawn to that. When she moved in with the Beilers, she’d thought she was rid of that tendency. Now it was back and perhaps even made worse by Paul. He made Doug and the others look like amateurs in the “smooth” department, which said a lot.
    There was no way Debbie would settle for Paul. She hadn’t left her own world to fall further into her relationship weakness. What she wanted was a man with depth and mystery. Alvin might think he’d lost her with his sudden departure from the community, but the truth was that it made Debbie more attracted to him. If Alvin was able to strike off on his own and succeed, that said more about him than he probably realized. The man had a mystique about him that she liked.
    Debbie studied one of Lois’s dresses she’d pulled from the clean clothes hamper. She draped it over the back of the couch. What Alvin’s real problem was right now, she couldn’t imagine, but it had to be something besides her presence and the issue with Paul. No, there had to be more. But what? All she knew was what she’d gleaned from community speculation. She’d overheard conversations among the women and girls at the Sunday services. No one made any effort to hide them from her. None of the buzz about Alvin had deterred her heart.
    â€œAlvin comes from such a solid family,” someone said. “How could he leave like this?”
    â€œHis daett and mamm must be devastated…their last son, and now he’s gone.”
    â€œAlvin never was much for rumspringa . Maybe that’s the problem,” Minister Kanagy’s wife, Barbara, had opined.
    â€œI say that’s a warning for us all,” said Lavina, the woman Barbara was speaking to. “Thinking one is so holy that the world has no attraction is a great pride.”
    â€œ Yah , we must all test our faith,” another added.