Free What Goes Around: A chilling psychological thriller by Julie Corbin

consciously, but like any mother, I have my triggers. Drug-taking is one of them – in Alex’s case he loses all sense of himself and becomes glassy-eyed and moronic. I’ve been down this road before with him and it’s not happening again.
    There’s a sound above me and when I look up, I see Katarina watching from the upstairs window, her body leaning against the pane, palms flat against the glass as if she’s trapped inside the room. I point to the fallen branches on the ground and then to the furthermost end of the garden where we keep the brown bin for garden waste, then I go into the kitchen to prepare dinner.
    My heart is racing. The teenage girl inside me wants to punch someone’s lights out. Punch, kick, scratch. Gouge. Dismember.
    I take a knife from the block and slice into a red pepper, rhythmically and with more force than required, until the pepper is shredded into too-thin strips that I immediately empty into the bin.
    Stop, Leila.
    Just stop.
    An old trick. I take a mirror from my handbag and stare at my face. I don’t see the lines, the lips pale without lipstick, a small smudge of mascara under my right eye. I stare into my own eyes and wait. I wait for the glimmer of me – the grown-up me, the considered me, the me I’ve cultivated over the last twenty years – and when I see that glimmer I latch onto it and it grows. I reconnect with myself in the colour of my own eyes and the teenage ghost loosens her grip.
    The radio fills the kitchen with music, easy-listening tunes, not to relax me but to reassure Alex and Katarina that I’ve calmed down now. I chop another pepper into perfect strips. Reassured, I tackle a third – perfect – and then the green beans.
    I’m scrubbing the new potatoes when Katarina arrives at my elbow. ‘Do you want me help?’
    ‘My help,’ I say, automatically correcting her English.
    ‘My help,’ she repeats, her smile tentative.
    ‘Did you clear up the branches?’ I ask her.
    ‘Yes, and I collect Tom’s suit. I put it in the wardrobe.’
    ‘Thank you.’
    ‘I fuckin’ hate fish,’ Alex mumbles, as he edges into the kitchen, his eyes on the tray of salmon waiting to go into the oven. ‘You know I do.’
    ‘Please don’t swear, Alex.’ I dry my hands and stand beside him. ‘You smell lovely and clean!’ I kiss his cheek and wrap him up in a hug.
    ‘Too tight!’ He pulls away, frowning.
    ‘Katarina, why don’t you go through to the living room and watch the news?’ I say, smiling brightly.
    She glances at Alex. I can see she’s unsure whether she should leave him alone with me.
    ‘It’s good for your English.’ I take hold of her shoulders and propel her towards the front of the house. ‘Alex and I will prepare dinner.’
    I come back into the kitchen and close the door behind me. Alex is standing with his ankles and arms crossed, his head dipping down onto his chest. I stand in front of him and wait for him to look up. When he does, he peers at me through the flop of hair that curtains his eyes.
    ‘What is it you’ve taken?’
    He sighs and rubs his cheeks. ‘Nothin’. Just what everyone takes.’
    ‘Dope? Skunk? Pills of some sort? What?’
    ‘Something I got from Harry.’ He looks sheepish. ‘I won’t take it again. I promise. It makes me feel spaced out.’
    ‘I was hoping you’d learned your lesson, Alex.’ I pitch my head at an angle so that I can see up into his eyes. ‘After last year.’
    ‘I’ve said I won’t take it again! Don’t start on me! Fuck!’
    He slopes off and I follow him to the kitchen door, catching hold of his arm. ‘I will be keeping an eye on you,’ I say quietly. ‘And you will eat with Tom and me this evening.’
    He yanks his arm away and leaves the room. I return to the chopping board and pick up the knife. I press the tip of the blade into the end of my finger, just until the skin yields and a blob of blood settles on the surface like a raindrop on a leaf. Then I lick it.
    Katarina has eaten