blow up in their faces.’
Vicky nodded. ‘I know what you mean. Sometimes I look at our friends’ lives, not just Melissa and Paul’s, and I can’t help but think that—’
‘– you’re glad you’re not them?’
‘No,’ said Vicky quickly. ‘That’s an awful thing to say. I love them to bits.’
‘I’m not saying you don’t.’
‘Good.’
‘It’s just that I feel a bit mean for saying it, that’s all.’
‘You haven’t actually said anything yet. Maybe you should start with Cooper and Laura. They’re always good for a laugh.’
‘I don’t understand what they’re doing,’ continued Vicky. ‘They’ve been together ages and he’s absolutely mad about her and yet I always get the feeling that Laura’s not all that bothered.’
‘You haven’t told her that he’s going to propose, have you?’
‘No, of course not. But I’ve got a horrible feeling that she’s going to turn him down. I just wish that if she wasn’t serious about him she’d let him go so he could find someone who would really appreciate him.’
I laughed. ‘Maybe you should put yourself forward as a candidate.’
‘Trust you to twist things around like that! Don’t get me wrong, I love Laura, but I worry that they’re not right for each other. And I worry that they’re going to miss out on what they really want by being with each other.’
‘They’ll be fine. Once you get to our age you don’t split up unless things are really, really bad. None of us can face the idea of going back to the beginning because we’ve all travelled too far to where we are to make it worth the effort.’
Vicky shot me another disapproving look. ‘So you’re saying they’ll stay together out of laziness?’
‘I wouldn’t call it laziness exactly. Maybe realism would be a better word.’
‘Realism?’
‘Or pragmatism. Anything that basically means accepting the first truth of being in your thirties: that you can’t always get what you want but that what you’ve got is always going to be better than nothing.’
‘Is that why we’ve lasted as long as we have? Pragmatism?’
‘No.’
‘Then why are we still together?’
‘How am I supposed to answer that without giving you the ammunition to make my life a misery? No thanks. I’ll keep schtum.’
‘You can have a free pass,’ said Vicky. ‘Say what you like without fear of me having a go.’
‘Like that free pass you gave me when you asked me if I thought you were turning into your mother?’ I shook my head. ‘Never again.’
‘A real free pass this time. No retribution whatsoever.’
‘No, thanks,’ I replied having mulled over her proposition for all of half a second. ‘I think we’re on safer ground talking about Melissa and Paul.’
Hannah
By the time I ended my marathon phone conversation with my sister it was just after eleven. And of the many things that she said to me the one thing that she was adamant about was that I was making a big mistake even thinking about calling Paul tonight. Time and time again she kept coming back to it until she almost convinced me that she was right. Calling Paul wasn’t just a bad idea. It was the worst idea that I had ever had. But as I started getting ready for bed, taking off my make-up and brushing my teeth, I found myself taking one last look at my mobile lying on the table in the hallway to see if I’d missed any calls and before I’d even fully realised what I was doing I had dialled his number.
‘Hello?’
I could hear music and talking in the background as though he was at a party or out at a bar somewhere in town.
‘It’s me, Hannah,’ I said thinking how odd it was hearing his voice after being apart these past few weeks. ‘I really need to talk to you.’
There was a long silence – the sound of someone clearly caught off guard.
‘It’s really late,’ he said eventually. ‘Can’t it wait?’
‘No, it can’t,’ I replied. ‘I need to talk to you right now. I wouldn’t ask
Learning to Kill: Stories