head at Hayley, then sneezed and grabbed a couple of paper napkins from the canister to handle the result. She appeared to have cold symptoms in June. Failure had that effect on her. And Hayleyâs colossal raise disaster was a pretty big failure.
After Hayleyâd e-mailed the girls detailed messages on Friday with the bad news, Audra had sent a replyâtyped entirely in capital lettersâthat sheâd gone home early from work, sick with âa blotchy swelling stuffiness.â Now anyone could see that Audraâs glossy bobbed haircut was in more than the usual disarray (thecenter part wasnât straight), and that, while swelling wasnât apparent, light pink blotchy patches did, indeed, blanket her face and armsâand she was clearly stuffy.
Hayley didnât want to think about what might happen to Audra if the whole Beer Garden episode came out right now. Cardiac arrest was not something she was prepared to deal with on a Sunday morning.
With one hand gripped around one of Gerttieâs monster-sized orange juices, Audra railed on. âWhen we went home on Thursday night, you were all set. How could it all have escalated so quickly, with such nightmarish results? These things donât happen to me. And I coached you. I feel responsible.â
âIt was self-sabotage, really,â Hayley explained, then took a fortifying swig of latte. âThatâs what it was. I was avoiding actually making a big decision for myself. I set things up so that I ended up with what I probably needed, but I made someone else do the dirty work. And it definitely wasnât a graceful exit. I donât blame you . If Iâd just followed yourââ
âSo, Hayley,â Suz interrupted. âLetâs get to the good stuff. Tell me, when the dog went under your skirt . . . were you turned on at all?â
Three coffee spoons fell to the Formica tabletop with a clang. Hayley stared at Suz, her jaw practically in her lap.
âNot even just a teensy-weensy little bit?â
âNo!â
âIgnore her,â Audra said. âSheâs just trying to shock you.â
Suz shrugged. âJust curious.â
âGross,â Diane said, shuddering.
âDidnât Bud ever give you head?â
Poor Diane blushed scarlet.
Suz leaned forward with a wicked smile. âWell, you said he was like a shar-pei. . . .â
âLeave her alone,â Audra said. âYouâre the one with a predilection for sleeping with dogs.â
âHa-ha. Ugly men can be excellent in bed. Overcompensation theory.â
âOh, shut up, Suz . . . you know, somethingâs weird about all this.â Diane looked Hayley over. âYouâre not acting like you normally do after this kind of catastrophe. Somethingâs . . . off. Itâs not your mental state, is it?â
âWhat are you talking about?â Hayley asked in alarm.
Diane leaned in close and sniffed Hayley three times in quick succession. âItâs physical. I smell alcohol.â
Audra turned slightly puce. âI donât want to know. Donât tell me anything,â she muttered, and then blew her nose into a paper napkin.
âYou canât possibly smell alcohol on me. I showered this morning.â
Diane sniffed some more. âResidual. You had a hangover yesterday, didnât you?â
Audra looked over at Suz in a daze as if she were trying to put pieces together but couldnât make them fit. Suz smiled cheerfully at her. Audra frowned back, suspicious.
The sound of Dianeâs persistent sniffing grew louder. Hayley put her hand on Dianeâs forehead and pushed her head away. âStop smelling me. Itâs gross.â
âItâs objective analysis,â Diane said, trying not to laugh. âDid you lose your job and get plastered as a way to forget your humiliation and despair?â
Suz snorted. It was a
Learning to Kill: Stories