Free Becoming Me by Melody Carlson

think they were actually glad to be there. Most of them seemed younger than the people at my regular church (not that age should matter that much—but it did make me curious). Even the pastor (who seems fairly young for a pastor) said some pretty good stuff that got me to really thinking. And, who knows, I just might go back there with AuntSteph (that is if she keeps on going). Or maybe I’ll even go back there on my own (now wouldn’t that be weird!). But not next weekend. Because I’m still planning to go on the ski retreat and both Mom and Aunt Steph think it’s a great idea. I’m pretty sure they’re both worried about my soul being lost forever or something.

EIGHT
March 1, Thursday (Aunt Stephie’s little “sex talk”)
    Somehow, for most of this week, I have managed not to mention the ski retreat to Jenny, and now there’s only one day left and then I’m home free. It’s not so much that I’m trying to be sneaky (at least that’s what I keep telling myself) but I just don’t see the point in telling her. I mean, Jenny and I are good friends and all (maybe even best friends) but I don’t tell her everything about my life. I didn’t tell her that I went to my aunt’s church last Sunday. So, why should I tell her about this?
    But I must confess, each time I see Josh (and usually he’s with Jenny) my heart starts to pound a little harder and my palms get kind of sweaty. But not so that anyone would notice. I’ve gotten pretty good at playing it cool the last couple of months. I think I could even do pretty well at playing poker without giving anything away these days. Beanie would be proud of my newly acquired skills. Ofcourse, she never even glances my way anymore. I hardly ever see her at all anyway. But I did notice she’s been hanging with a new boy—and actually he’s not bad looking (tall and dark) but he dresses sort of weird (not unlike Beanie). I guess they make a pretty good pair.
    Anyway, last night, Aunt Stephie took me to the mall to get a couple of things for the ski weekend (she’s loaning me her skis and stuff like that) but she thought I still needed something new to wear. And so she bought me this really cool sweater that was on sale (since all the spring and summer clothes are out now). I’ve decided that Stephie has really changed. For one thing, she’s a lot more thoughtful than she used to be. More generous too. Maybe it’s her new church, or just maturity finally kicking in, but whatever it is I definitely like it.
    Afterwards, we got some frozen yogurt and sat down for a while to talk. And suddenly I was telling her everything about Josh and Jenny and even the time Josh gave me a ride and I thought he was going to kiss me. It was like I was this bottle of soda that someone had just shook up and then opened! I just kept gushing all this stuff out while Stephie just quietly listened. But I wasn’t too worried about her overreacting. I mean, she has all sorts of experience with guys and romance and stuff. And this is nothing compared to some of the things she’s been through. Anyway, I really hoped she might actually have some words of encouragement for me. You know, something like: Hey, it’s a free country, Caitlin; if you like Josh that much, then just go for it, girl!
    But, as fate would have it, Stephie, being on her new religious kick right now, which even seems to have infiltrated into her brain (at least where relationships with guys are concerned) pulls a fast one on me. “You know, Caitlin,” she begins carefully, as if measuring each word. “If I could go back and do my younger days all over again, I would definitely do everything a lot differently. For one thing, I made a bunch of mistakes with guys—and quite frankly, I’m the last person on the planet that you should be asking for advice on relationships.”
    Fine with me, I’m thinking and right then and there, I start to tell her to forget all about it, but before I can she continues. “But on the