Free Here Are the Young Men by Rob Doyle

splatters.
    I lay like that for some time. Then I got up and plunged into the water, washed all the vomit off my face and felt better.
    Sobered up with the vomiting and the cold water, I felt more embarrassed at what I’d done and kept my head down as I paddled about in the bobbing waves, watching the people onshore with a shaded gaze. But I laughed inwardly, looking forward to telling Cocker and Rez about it. I could see Jen lying on the blanket, still resting on her elbows, looking out at me. I waved. After a few minutes I emerged from the water and sat back down beside her.
    â€˜That was so romantic,’ she said, putting her hand on my leg. ‘I’m glad ye enjoyed kissing me so much.’
    I smiled and put my hand on her thigh. She put her hand over mine, stroking my fingers. ‘Where are the lads?’ I said.
    â€˜They said they were goin to walk down and find a shop to get some skins. All Cocker’s were ruined. A can burst open in his bag.’
    We watched the dwindling crowds depart. It started to get cold and we put on our shirts and tops. I kissed her neck. She put her hand on the inside of my leg, her fingertips near my balls. When I scanned around and saw no one was looking, I slid my hand up her thigh, letting it rest between her legs. She was wet and warm.
    A few moments later, I drew away from her.
    â€˜What is it?’ she said.
    â€˜Nothin.’
    â€˜No, what is it?’
    â€˜No, nothin. Never mind.’
    I gazed at the sea. She watched me for a while. Then she said, ‘Matthew, are you annoyed because you think I was with Cocker the other night? Is that it?’
    I didn’t respond.
    â€˜ Well, I wasn’t. Just so you know. Nothing happened, Matthew, I promise. Yeah okay, I was with him once before, but that was ages ago. The other night he slept in my brother’s room.’
    I turned to look at her. She met my gaze. ‘Seriously?’ I said.
    â€˜Yeah, seriously. I’ve been hoping something would happen with you and me for a while, Matthew. But ye never seem to do anything. Ye just, like, go into yerself, ye sit there scowling and smoking, ye never make a move. I was always just waiting around.’
    I was silent, wrestling with the question of whether I could believe her. Eventually I smiled. I put my head into her neck, kissing her hair.
    Some time later, Rez and Cocker appeared on the horizon, silhouetted against the rocks where seagulls squawked. Me and Jen were lying together, hand in hand. I waited to see if she’d take her hand away from mine when the lads got close enough to notice. She didn’t.
    â€˜Jesus Christ, what are you two up to? Can’t leave yis alone for half an hour,’ said Rez with a look of mock disapproval when they reached us. He seemed cheerier than he had been earlier on. We smiled. Cocker didn’t seem at all bothered.
    â€˜Let’s have a smoke, will we?’ said Jen. ‘Half past eight and we’ve only had a couple of joints. What’s goin on?’
    It was getting chilly and soon we decided to leave.
    When we got up and walked off the beach, there were still a few people remaining: a lone child building sandcastles, an elderly couple on deckchairs. They wore sunglasses even though the sun was waning, giving no more warmth.
    Â Â Â Â Â Â Â 
    It was nearly dark by the time we got back to town. Jen stayed on the train for Blackrock. ‘Let’s meet up again in a couple of days, will we?’ she said as I was getting off.
    I tried to persuade the others to stay out with me for a pint, but they said they had to go home. I thought about having one on my own, but suddenly the idea only depressed me, even more than the thought of going home to bed depressed me. I had been euphoric about getting with Jen but now the feeling had vanished. I kept thinking of the junkie’s broken face and feeling that
I
was to blame. I wandered around town for a while as the rain