Manslations

Free Manslations by Jeff Mac

Book: Manslations by Jeff Mac Read Free Book Online
Authors: Jeff Mac
have met their person in a bar. Nothing wrong with that. It's nighttime; there's music; there's mood lighting; there's alcohol—what a great place to meet someone, right? Or at least a great place to meet someone who might be drinking.
     
    Here's something important to realize, though. If you see a man hanging around in a bar (especially a dance club), there is only one manslation, and it is not “to dance.” And it's probably not “to have a meaningful conversation,” either. The manslation for a man at a dance club is that's where he heard they were keeping all the vaginas. (In fact, now that I say it, that's almost the only reason we leave the house at all.)
     

The Internet
    Perhaps you've heard of it. It's that thing that lives inside your computer, where they put all the porn, cheap pharmaceuticals from across some border, and Nigerian banking schemes. And it's a hugely popular way to meet people with whom you might want to do the sex. The positives are that it's always available; you don't even have to leave your house to use it; and nobody knows who you are.
     
    The negatives are… well… picture the majority of people for whom those “positives” are the big selling point? Right, exactly. I'm not discouraging you. I'm just letting you know that regardless of how rosy a picture some of these guys paint of themselves, the prince-to-frog ratio is pretty brutal. About the same as in, you know, the real world.
     

“Outside the Box” Ideas
    Every once in a while, you read an article that tells you where you might want to meet up with dudes. The laundromat was a big one for a time (He does his laundry! Keeper!); so were bookstores, of course (Hey, at least he can read!), and hardware stores (He's so handy! What if your toilet breaks? He'll take care of it!).
     
    Nothing wrong with any of these, but I have to tell you that the second there's an article saying that this or that place is an excellent place to meet men? Yep, you guessed it—all the players will swarm there, looking to cash in on all the newly hopeful women who read the article.
     
    On my website, a woman once mused that there must be a bar somewhere that only nice guys went to. But I promise you, if there was a nice, clean bar called T.G.I. Considerates, by 9:00 p.m. it would be crowded to capacity with jerkoffs, and the nice guys wouldn't even be allowed in.
     

Meeting through Friends
    This is widely considered the best method to meet someone. And it's hard to disagree—what are you going to do, meet someone through your enemies? Do you actually have enemies? Or perhaps an arch nemesis?
     
    If I did have enemies, I surely wouldn't date based on their recommendations. That would probably be exactly what they'd want me to do. And they'd set me up with some psycho who… ah… now some of my old relationships make so much more sense…
     
    Bottom line: It's always good to get a recommendation from a friend if you can manage it, along the lines of, “Hey, this guy is actually not insane.” Great. Just make sure that your friend isn't insane. Kind of defeats the purpose of the recommendation.
     
    So let's move ahead into the world of the First Date.
     

I. GETTING THE DATE
    It seems to me that there are only two major ways to get a date: either he asks you out, or you ask him. I mean, I suppose that there must be other ways. Maybe he kidnaps you at gunpoint and decides he wants to take you out to the Olive Garden; maybe the two of you fall out of separate airplanes and land in the same movie theater. But these aren't situations that you really need to plan for.
     
    For the most part, one of you has the idea that you want to go out on a date and asks the other one if they like that idea and want to do that. Simple, right? Everybody with me? Hello?
     
    So with that said, let's focus on the two most likely possibilities:
     

Him Asking You Out—Old Faithful
    If you want him to ask you out, here are some dos and don'ts.
     
    Do
     
Meet

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