the hospital.
âYes, we have, silly.â Carole points to another plastic dish. Itâs wrapped in that see-through stuff the doctor keeps his dressings in. Thereâs lettuce at the bottom, just a tiny bit with one slice of tomato. I think Iâll still be hungry.
âWhereâs the pudding?â
âThere.â
âThatâs a cake.â
âNo, itâs not, itâs pudding. Strudel Viennese.â
I donât know what she means. And I canât see any fruit, not even just an apple. Perhaps they got the picture wrong.
I eat the pudding first. It has wet stuff in it which doesnât taste of anything, and two small currants. The chicken has gone cold. At least they didnât mince it, but it isnât very filling. You can have seconds in the hospital, or fill up with bread and marge.
Caroleâs drinking more champagne. I mustnât drink, or Iâll need to go. I need to go already.
âExcuse me, Sir â¦â That lady called him Sir, the one who brought his dinner. He smiled at her. Heâs muttering at me. I think heâs foreign. I canât understand the words. His eyes are very small, small and black like the currants in the cake. I canât get out. No room between his stomach and his tray. âIâm sorry, Sir, but â¦â
Three toilets in a row. Iâll try the middle one. Itâs frightening locked in here. I should have left the door open like they make us do at Beechgrove. Iâm trapped in, like a prison. No room to move, no windows. A gust of wind is blowing from the ceiling, very cold. Maybe thereâs a hole in the plane and no one knows about it.
They have funny toilets here, metal ones which are noisy when you go. Can they hear outside? There isnât any chain to pull. I canât make the taps work, either, or the plug. Thatâs my face in the mirror there. I donât look how I thought I did.
Itâs hard to stand. The floor keeps moving under me. There are lots of little cupboards with soap and paper towels in. The bars of soap are tiny. Perhaps they canât afford the large size. I slip one in my pocket. Iâve been in places where there isnât any soap, even in hospitals where they keep saying âWash your handsâ. Iâm not sure about America, but better to be safe. I also find some sanitary towels which are useful if I leak. I donât have periods any more. They took a lot of things away when I moved to Beechgrove, including my womb.
I darenât disturb that man again. I think Iâll stay in here. Except youâre not allowed to hang around the toilets. Sister always comes to get you out. People smoke there sometimes. I tried a cigarette myself, just before we left. Carole asked me to. She kept worrying that Iâd won the competition, yet never had a smoke. I cried first, then I coughed, but it made Carole happy, and I like it when sheâs happy.
âNorah? Are you in there, Norah?â
Someoneâs knocking. Sister. Iâm not smoking, Sister, honestly, Iâm not. I only smoked the once.
I open the door. Itâs Carole, come to get me. âAre we there?â I ask her.
âDonât be daft. Weâve hardly started yet. I was just worried where youâd got to. Are you feeling sick or something?â
âOh, Carole, look!â
âWhat?â
âThe clouds.â
âWhat about them?â
Weâre flying, yes weâre flying. Itâs true. Weâre right up in the clouds. Theyâre so wonderful I must sit down and watch. There are two seats on their own, with no one sitting in them. I climb into the window one, press my face almost to the glass.
Clouds. So close weâre right inside them. Flying clouds. Clouds with wings, great white feathered wings like those Angels in the play. Caroleâs right. I do feel sick, sick with happiness. I wish I had more words â words for happiness, words for all the