Free SoundsofLove by Marilyn Kelly

she’d chided herself for giving up her independence for the mere
possibility of some sign of his affection. She fixed half a cup of tea, with
her mind set on Julian and their outing the next day.
    Another member of the choir sidled up beside her and asked, “Did
you hear about Mildred Stonesworth?”
    “No, Miss Connors, I haven’t, although I noticed her
absence. Is she ill?”
    “She lost her house and had to move to Liverpool to live
with her daughter. Her son-in-law is said to be a wretched man.” The ruddy miss
finished a dainty sandwich and muttered, “It’s dreadful to be at the mercy of
relatives.”
    Lady Stonesworth was a woman of quality, a pillar of the
charitable community, a widow of good repute.
    Cathryn hated gossip, but her curiosity got the best of her.
“What happened to her?”
    “Her steward bilked her. He and the housekeeper ran off to
America with her earnings and most of her savings. She lasted only two months
before her creditors began to hound her.” Miss Connors reached for another
sandwich. “She’s up to her eyeballs in debts.”
    “Dear heavens, poor Lady Stonesworth. I shall remember her
in my prayers.” Cathryn trembled as she finished her tea. Her own situation was
no more secure. She hadn’t received any correspondence from the Sibley steward
in over a month, and she wasn’t certain Percival had assumed control of any
estate affairs. It would be easy for greed to flourish amongst such neglect.
Most of her income came from her dower’s portion and a jointure Geoffrey had
arranged, both of which were dependent on estate earnings. Violet had a similar
situation, and together they were comfortable, if they stayed within a strict
budget.
    Lady Stonesworth had been more than comfortable. Cathryn set
down her cup with a clatter and glanced around for Violet. It was madness to
consider an affair when her own future was so precarious. Julian was
overpowering, but she needed to be practical. She was not independently wealthy.
She needed to marry, and Percival was already slated to be her next husband.
Her eyes teared at the thought of abandoning her liaison with the dashing Lord
Ahlquist, but she stiffened her spine and resolved not to be emotional about
this. She barely knew the man.
    Her course with Percival was set, and it might be a fine one
if she gave it her full attention. Julian was a dangerous distraction who would
likely ruin her.
    Why did ruin seem such an attractive alternative?
     
    Cathryn lay in her large bed three hours later and emitted a
loud sigh as she finished reading Fanny Hill .
    Fanny finally found her true love, a respectable gentleman
who combined delirious pleasure with tender affection, and she summarized her
wisdom gained from years of debauchery. “In the bosom of virtue, I gathered the
only uncorrupt sweets: where, looking back on the course of vice I had run, and
comparing its infamous blandishments with the infinitely superior joys of
innocence, I could not help pitying, even in point of taste, those who,
immersed in gross sensuality, are insensible to the so delicate charms of
VIRTUE, than which even PLEASURE has not a greater friend, nor VICE a greater
enemy.” Virtue was the enemy of vice, and Cathryn had always thought herself a
virtuous woman. Pleasure and virtue belonged together, but being a mistress was
not a virtuous undertaking, particularly when contracted to another man. Virtue
and vice, “the one, parent of health, vigour, fertility, cheerfulness, and
every other desirable good of life; the other, of diseases, debility, barrenness,
self-loathing, with only every evil incident to human nature.”
    Cathryn imagined writing such a warning in her advice
column. She believed these words. The erotic antics depicted in Fanny Hill had been arousing and instructive, and she cherished the new knowledge she’d
gained about her person and the ways of men. But she could not in good
conscience continue on the path to self-loathing with a man such as